When you hear about a case of spousal abuse do you not immediately assume that a man is the perpetrator? Of course; and that's understandable. In the majority of domestic violence cases reported, women are usually the victims.

But men take licks too. Yeah man! That's why I found Eulalee Thompson's recent two-part series in the Gleaner (March 28 & April 4) about battered men very timely and useful. Ms. Thompson, drawing on a study by Social Psychologist Carolyn Graham, provided sobering accounts of female perpetrated domestic violence, and shared earnest stories from abused men.

There were also statements from people like Lanny Davidson, a tireless advocate for male parenting rights who has waged a long battle for equitable treatment of men by the family court system.

The articles have generated much reflection and discussion. It was emailed to me dozens of times with comments by friends and colleagues working in gender and development. As usual, Lanny raised the most provocative points.

Balance and truth

He sent me related stories and comments pointing to an imbalance in research, reporting, and understanding of domestic abuse and gender-based violence, which is due to the tendency of society to focus solely or chiefly on violence against women that is committed by men. Lanny has a point. We need balance and truth. But I don't think men are being unfairly targeted.

This is my observation: Many men who beat women are not violent in other areas of their life. They would never lift a hand against another man unless first attacked. But somehow, they feel that hitting their spouse is normal and acceptable. When men beat women it's usually about expressions and assertions of power. I even know a church where the pastor occasionally uses a cane to physically whip church-members when the Holy Spirit informs him that they have been spiritually naughty. But guess what? For some strange reason the spirits never ever move the bishop to whip a man.

On the other hand, most women who beat their men will generally beat anybody. Whatever the psychological source of their violence, they are usually just filled with anger and aggression. Trust me; I've known quite a few violent women. I grew up with Auntie Becca who used to beat her "drunk-areddy" gentleman mercilessly. But she was also ruthless with the children she raised. She brutalised us routinely with fist, foot and any real or makeshift weapon she could find. And anybody else with whom she had a disagreement (man, woman, police or thief) also faced the prospect of a punch or a slap. Auntie Becca's hand dem was jus nimble! I also remember Lena. Her baby-father occasionally left the house with a swollen forehead or busted lip and a story about how him "buck up inna wall"; when all of Trench Town know him just "buck up inna Lena again!" Many times he fought back, and came second. A few times he was lucky enough to walk away and avoid a fight.

But most times he was seen running away to avoid injury. But Lena also battered her children daily, and resolved all conflicts with her neighbours violently. She eventually went to prison for fatally wounding a young girl who she said "a tek mi man an come hype up pon mi!" Yes, men are violent and women are violent, and children study the script and the cycle continues.

Important reports

So Carolyn Graham's research and Eulalee Thompson's report are important. If nothing else, they serve to remind many of us that premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and low sex drive are not the only problems that face men. And I really think this provides an opportunity for us to take a fresh look at the issue of gender-based violence. As one colleague suggested, we maybe need to start "de-genderising" domestic violence. I agree. A word of caution though; stories of violent women and the knowledge that men are also being physically abused should not be used to soften our condemnation of the various manifestations of violence against women.

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