Dear Pastor,

I thank God for the ministry where you can be a father figure for those who need advice. I am an ambitious 20-year-old Jamaican man living in Canada for the past four years and I absolutely hate it. There are a lot of opportunities for advancement here, which is why I am not back in Jamaica but life is just a burden here. Being a Jamaican here in the city makes me a huge minority. Therefore, it is hard to fit in and it is difficult to find real friends. There are people who hang around me because they think the accent is cool. I have no true friendship.

Everything is fast paced and people keep to themselves. I can recall my years in Jamaica where life is really hard, but people take each day by stride and live gratefully with a smile. I'm presently working a full time job in a bank by day that produces 35-40k dollars Canadian a year and I'm also presently going to a university full time, where I'm pursuing a degree.

Well, pastor, this is my issue. I'm ambitious and I have found myself on a good career path. I also live on my own but I would like someone to share my life with now, not a fling but a true relationship. I know you might think I'm too young to think this way but I believe maturity goes beyond age. One gains maturity through experience and I know I'm stable enough financially, mentally, physically and spiritually, for this stage in my life.

Girls do find me attractive and charming, but they usually want me to socialise with them at clubs. I'm not a clubber as I'm a convicted Christian. Since, migrating here I've had two serious but nonsexual relationships as I believe in saving myself till marriage. I can't say this was any heavenly conviction, but more out of anger as I fear making a separated or "pitchy patchy" family as I was born in. Anyway, both relationships weren't working out so we remained friends and moved on.

There are very few blacks not to mention Jamaicans where I live, so it's next to impossible to find a nice Christian Jamaican girl who is compatible. I have considered looking outside of my nationality but there is just something about the Jamaican ladies, their personality, their cooking, and their looks that just have me soft. Nowhere else in the world can compete. But since I'm going university here and have such a good job it's hard to move back to Jamaica right now, which I intend to do once I finish university.

What do you think I should do, pastor?

M., Canada

Dear M.,

Lack of space often prevents us from publishing letters of this nature. However, we have decided to publish yours. Although you sent your e-mail address, you have not given me permission to give it to anyone who might want to correspond with you. I am therefore wondering whether you are serious in getting to know a good Christian woman whose friendship may culminate in marriage.

The Bible says that if anyone wants to have friends, he should make himself friendly. Perhaps you need to make yourself friendly. I have been to Canada on many occasions and I have seen black women everywhere, in the banks, churches, the supermarkets, the parks, just about every. What is wrong with your eyes, brother? I will be praying for you.

Pastor