Dear Pastor,

My husband and I have a fairly active sex life, but he refuses to give me oral sex. I wasn't born in Jamaica, but he was and that is why he claims that he can never do it. Once in a while, I will perform oral sex on him, which he seems to like quite a bit, but he only reciprocated on our wedding night, and it only lasted about two minutes. But, it was the best time I've ever had.

How can I convince him that oral sex is a normal aspect of maintaining a healthy sexual relationship? How can I convince him that if we engage in oral sex that he won't be less of a Jamaican or less of a man? You're advice would be much appreciated.

A. D., Ontario, Canada

Dear A. D.,

You are faced with an uphill battle. If this man does not like to engage in oral sex you can do very little to change his mind. He did it once and you enjoyed it. Before you got married to him, you were accustomed to that sort of love-making. Evidently, he wasn't.

Some Jamaican men swear that they are not 'bowing down' (doing oral sex). It is said that many who claim that they are not bowing down are lying. That's what the women say.

Madam, don't allow your husband's refusal to engage in oral sex with you to destroy your marriage. A couple does not have to engage in oral sex to have a happy sex life. Many of my readers may disagree. Nevertheless, I must ask you not to destroy your marriage by demanding oral sex from you husband.

Pastor