Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old. I've been in love with a man for the last seven years. He is my childhood sweetheart. For more than half of the past seven years, we've spent apart but we've maintained a long distance relationship. Ever since I can remember he has wanted me to have his child. In May of 2005, he got his wish when I told him I was pregnant. He has four other kids with two different women, and both of them hate me. Two of the kids were conceived during our relationship and I have since forgiven him.

He was so excited when I told him that I was pregnant, especially, when he realised that I was carrying a boy. This man is my first love and he never hid the fact that he loves me too. However, in December 2005, I heard that one of the children's mother was pregnant. I confronted him and he denied that he was responsible. I trusted him, so I took his word for it. In January 2006, I had our son. Our relationship has always been strong but in February, I started to feel that something wasn't right. I asked on many different occasions if there was anything I needed to know because I felt as if he was keeping something from me. He'd repeatedly told me that I had nothing to worry about.

Truth and denial

A few weeks ago he finally admitted the truth. He told me that one of his children's mother was indeed pregnant and that she gave birth less than two months after I did. I was crushed. I felt as if he took my heart out and stomped on it. How could he continue to hurt me this way if he loves me? I wanted to die. The agony only got worse when I found out what the child's name was. The bitch has always been in competition with me and she named the boy my son's name, all she changed was the last letter. I could have killed the bitch.

Since this incident, he has denied the fact that the child is his. There is no doubt in my mind that the kid is his. He wants to continue our relationship and I do too because we just had a baby together and I love him.

However, I don't know if my heart can take anymore emotional distress from this man. If he really loves me, why does he continue to do these things? I don't know what to do.

Is it healthy for me to stay in this relationship? I have no one to talk to about the situation. I can't tell my mom because she would kill him, and my friends will think I'm a fool. I would really appreciate your advice.

T. L.,

Dear T. L.,

You may not want to admit it but you should try to be honest with yourself. You believe that you deserve this man and the mothers of his other children are sketels. You believe that you should have him and the other girls are only pushing themselves on him. It is sad but true. This man has got you to believe his lies. Well, I am putting it to you that he doesn't care for you more than the others and it is unfortunate that you allowed him to get you pregnant.

You should have exercised some common sense. If the other women were giving you a hard time, that was an indication that both of them were still having intimate relationships with the man and they wanted you out of his life. But you didn't read it that way. You thought that they were jealous of you because you were special to him. This man wanted you body. You gave it to him. He wanted you to get pregnant by him, so that you would feel that he really loves you and that both of you have a future together. He is a deceiver and I repeat you couldn't see it.

Can you imagine what he told the other women about you? Perhaps he told them that it was a mistake or the condom broke. He might have said that you didn't want him to use a condom or he dropped asleep at your house and he found you on top of him.

Listen girl, you have a child to support. This man now has six children. Life will never be the same with you and you are going to see his true colours.

You may even have to drag him to the court to get adequate support from him. I might sound rough on you, but I am not. I am trying you make you think. Expect the worst from this man. He is a liar and if you marry him, he will be like a heavy load on your back. I would love to be proven wrong in the years ahead.

Pastor