Dear Pastor,

I am an American woman who has been in love with a Jamaican man for many years. He was married but his wife died. He did not have any children with her. However, he has several children that are all grown. Lately, his first children's mother has been calling. I once answered the phone. The next time she called we were in bed together and he chose not to talk to her in front of me. I am not a jealous person, but I think the only reason she should be calling is about their children, so why wouldn't he be able to discuss this in front of me. Unless something else is brewing.

Threatened

I know she has always loved him and I think she is trying to get back in his life. I felt threatened because she has more in common with him in terms of their culture. As a matter of fact, we have a big problem when it comes to me cooking for him because I am an American. He seems to think that a woman that cooks for him is the ultimate. I think that is just one facet of a relationship and it is not that serious that we should not be able to work on it. Am I being paranoid or could she appeal to his weakness for Jamaican food and culture to get him away from me?

I am not going to fight for him, as he should know how much I love him. He should also know that if he breaks up with me, it would be his loss. She also sounds like she is looking for someone to take care of her and he is easy enough to do it. Should I wait and see or walk away

American Woman, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Dear American Woman,

Before I comment on the concern you have about this man not wanting to talk to his children's mother in your presence, I would like to comment on what you said about not cooking for him regularly. Please understand that men from the Caribbean, especially Jamaicans, love their food and expect their women to be good cooks and those who cannot cook know that it would be hard to convince them that they are good women. Every Jamaican man wants a woman who can cook. If she cannot cook, she knows that she should learn. However, let me hasten to say that that doesn't mean that they consider their women as helpers. But if the women can cook, they would love them to death. So, if you cannot cook, your Jamaican man Jamaican food, he would teach you but do not give him the impression that he should eat fast food everyday of his life.

Now concerning the telephone call, you maybe overreacting. It is not everything that this man will want you to hear when he is talking to his children's mother and you shouldn't be worried about that. Let them talk whatever they want to talk. Do not make that bother you. She may want to ask him for some money and he may not want you to know that. Indeed, she may be trying to get him back, but he knows that she is wasting her time. You are under his skin. You got him covered. He is with you. Why make that a bother. So, cool it and be strong.

Pastor