The female astronaut that drove half way across America the other day to 'have a conversation' with another woman about her relationship with a male astronaut, no matter how you cut it, is way off her rocker.

The American media can dress it up all the ways they want, the woman is bloody crazy - too much time in space perhaps.

What was so urgent that Lisa Nowak, the 43-year-old mother of three, had to drive for 12 straight hours to 'speak' with Colleen Shipman? I find it hard to believe that she was driving all that distance, wearing diapers so that she would not need to stop to pee or worse, just to have a chat. I am more inclined to believe that something a little more physical was going to be in the offing.

But, let's humour her explanation and believe her when she said that she just wanted to talk to Shipman, who was reportedly having a relationship with astronaut, Bill Ofelein, who Nowak apparently wanted for herself. Just what kind of conversation was she planning to have armed with pepper spray, a BB gun, a mallet, garbage bags and rubber tubing? Surely those things do not pass as nouns, verbs, adverbs and other parts of speech?

Double speak

I'll tell you how, I think, she was going go 'speak to Shipman. She planned to spray Shipman with the pepper spray and say: "leave my man alone!" Then, she was going to knock the crap out of her with the mallet and say: "Mi did warn you." Then, she was going to bound her with the rubber tubing and then wrap her up in the garbage bags and say: "A long time me waan get rid a you." And then have her disappear forever. That, I believe, is why thepolice added those attempted murder charges to the kidnapping charges she also faces.

Totally lost

The thing that convinces me that this woman had completely lost it, is that oftentimes you get angry, very angry, like you hear that your woman is in town somewhere having an intimate dinner with some handsome fellow and you lose it and jump in your car and speed off to confront the cheating scum. If the drive is anything longer than 10 minutes, by the time you get there you're pretty calm. The anger dissipates even though you still want to kill them both.

This woman drove for 12 hours and lay-waited her competition in the parking lot of an airport and still had venom in her eye. Now that's what I call being driven or being totally loco depending on what side of the fence you're on. and from where I stand, it's more the latter. There is no other way to explain it, especially since she was willing to ride in her own excrement if it came to that.

I mean, I know she and her husband split recently so obviously there was little loving going on at home but damn, wasn't there another available pilot out there at NASA?

It is obvious that Shipman had the necessary skills to trap Ofelein and had him under lock and key but obviously not securely enough because Nowak apparently got a taste and definitely wanted more. She wanted it so badly she was apparently willing to make Shipman disappear so she could have it all.

All I can say is that whatever Ofelein had going for him, to Nowak, it was clearly out of this world.

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