Dear Pastor,

I am writing in regards to the article entitled ' I want to cum' that was in THE STAR on September 16, 2006. I was pleasantly surprised by your humour in naming this, and it leads me to love reading your columns even more. It shows you have a sense of humour, and you you are human like anyone else.

You answer like a human, not some higher being just because you are a pastor. I say this, because a lot of people who wrote you want you not to relate to us, but preach to us, and that is not the way. Thanks for your good work.

Anyway, I too have the same problem that this woman has. I am non-orgasmic with my husband. But alone, I have come to an orgasm while fantasising about my husband. You said in your answer that "sometimes the man must manually bring the woman to orgasm", or something of that sort. I know you are not necessarily referring to oral sex, but is it OK for a married couple to masturbate each other, especially if the woman cannot have an orgasm without it?

I was told that as a Christian, I should not masturbate, but I always wondered, how can someone tell me that I cant touch my own body, but a man can touch my body anyway he wants? I don't think that's fair, or makes any sense. I guess I just want to know if it's OK for a couple to please each other with their hands, or does it have to be completely intercourse in order to be "pure"? If that's the case, then why the main place where a female experiences orgasm is in the clitoris area? And that place cannot be entered?

Thanks, Pastor, and I anxiously await your reply.

In love and loving it, USA

Dear in love and loving it,

I believe I understand what you are saying. I cannot condemn any married couple who enjoy touching each other and even bringing each other to a climax that way. Some women who are advanced in pregnancy comfort their husband by 'playing' with them until they ejaculate. Perhaps, some prudish Christians condemn that.

Concerning your difficulty in experiencing orgasm, I suggest that your husband and yourself meet with a sex therapist for counselling.

Pastor