Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and still a virgin. I find it hard to sleep with a girl when there's no love involved. Maybe I am naive or just stupid. I lie to my friends and let them assume that I am not a virgin. At my age not having sex is considered to be an oddity in today's society. I might even be seen as gay because of my situation but I am not. I just want to find the right girl.

I am not a Christian and its becoming harder and harder to hold out. I constantly think about just developing a relationship with a girl just to sleep with her but I don't want to do that and hurt anyone's feelings. Furthermore, virgins are undervalued in today's society and I guess this keeps me from engaging in this type of an intimate relationship as well. I hope you can offer me some good advice as I am in urgent need of some. Thank you.

H. M., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear H.M.,

Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, accor-ding to Dr. Ray Short, "Couples who engage in pre-martial sex are more likely to break up before marriage than those who do not - virgins tend to have happier marriages than non-virgins - having sex before marriage, can push you into a poor marriage."

You don't have to follow the boys. You don't have to have sex before the right time to prove that you are a man.

Pastor