Dear Pastor,

This is in response to the letter 'Andy Capp'. I have a husband of 8 years who migrated from Jamaica. We were married for three years before he came over to join me. We have three sons. Your story sounds familiar. Within a week of my husband coming here, he was disrespecting me by coming and going as he pleased and lying to me. He also proved to be illiterate, by American standards, and he showed no signs of wanting an education and bet-tering himself as we discussed a zillion times.

I am an educated, beautiful black woman. He said and did all of the right things before coming. I could call him at anytime while he was in Jamaica and he would be available and on my many visits to the island, there was not a clue from his family or people in his town that he was a habitual liar and a cheater. He promised me in our numerous conver-sations that he was ready to assume his role as a husband and father. We even had pre-marital counselling where the pastor discussed what marriage meant and how sacred it is and how it is to never be taken lightly.

We are now going through a divorce. But in the meantime, he now has his green card and all the rights and privileges that come with being a permanent resident. In all, I spent thousands of dollars. The money is not an issue to me though. I also gave him things that are priceless, such as 3 gorgeous sons and freedom. Freedom to travel back and forth to his homeland and freedom to become a citizen if he chooses and to live and work in the United States. He doesn't appreciate any of it. He is the most selfish man I have ever met. And our cultural differences make it worse. Some Jamaican men are conditioned from the time they are born to exploit women and look at them as objects. Even his own mother has said to me "a man is a man, and he will do as he pleases".

My advice to the letter writer is to get out now before you have children or before you lose your sanity.

T.W., Hartford, USA

Dear T.W.,

You are disappointed in your Jamaican husband and you are using him in judging and condemning all Jamaican men. That is grossly unfair. Every one ought to know that there are good men and bad men in every country. And there are good and bad women every-where. Unfortunately, your husband is not very wise.

On the other hand, could it be that part of the problem is that he believes that you have tried to push him around? Some women mean well but often they "rub" men the wrong way. And American women who marry Jamaican men never fail to remind them that they have done a them a favour.

Pastor