I was reading a funny story yesterday about how a woman caused a Dallas-bound American Airlines flight to land in Nashville after she broke wind and lit a match to kill the smell.

It's funny because breaking wind can be such an embarrassing experience even while it remains one of the most stress-relieving processes of the human body, so I can imagine the woman's dilemma.

The passing of gas, however, can be a very emotional experience for those who pass it, and for those who are 'witnesses' to it. Do you ever realise that when that feeling comes along you are oftentimes in places where it is most difficult to just let it loose? You'll be in an elevator, for example, surrounded by cute chicks and it's at a point where you have to release or suffer excruciating cramps and trust me, the cramps are not an option. How does the saying go: 'let f... be free?'

The thing is, when you squeeze it off as discreetly as possible, what you get is an odour that assaults the nostrils like insurgents attacking U.S. troops in Iraq, and you really can't just up and light a match because then everybody is going to know who did it. And believe me, nobody wants to be found guilty of that crime.

Sometimes flatulence is so foul it makes you hate the person who releases it, even if it's yourself. It makes you angry, very angry. It's like the gas triggers that part of your brain that controls that dark side of you, that side that takes significant offence to being assaulted by such foul odours in such close quarters from which there is usually no immediate escape.

So, passing gas can be the cause of significant emotional conflict, but there are many times when your body just decides for you. Like, you'll be lifting a box or engaged in some physical activity and it just blasts out like nobody's business. I remember once in high school we were doing some sprinting drills and for about 10 seconds or so, each stride was accompanied by a short burst. Good thing we were outdoors and better yet, nobody was within earshot.

However, flatulence can be a sign of comfort - the dropping of the guard so to speak.

You know some women, the very cute ones especially, make you wonder sometimes if they're human because they never 'burp' nor do you ever even suspect that they pass gas. Some men prefer it that way because for some reason they don't believe that their women are real people, opting instead to buy into the fantasy that their women are figments of their imaginations that never need to pee or do a number two or anything of the sort.

Of course, this is real life and we know that reality is often way different from the fantasy. So, after months of dating, comfort levels begin to grow and all of a sudden the man hears something he never hears before, and at that very moment he knows that he and his girl are in a very good place. Unless, of course, it really stinks.

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