You may think I'm cheap, and you're entitled to your opinion, but I am never going to buy another expensive pen. Costly pens get lost or stolen or destroyed just as easily, perhaps much more easily than the cheap pens. And I'm tired of throwing away money.

As for cigarette lighters, I have solemnly pledged to stick with the cheap ones. Why? It seems like someone always borrows my lighter and ends up walking away with it when I'm distracted. So it just doesn't make sense. OK, I know some people are going to jump on the opportunity to tell me that it's cheaper to just stop smoking. Who said I smoke? I just walk with lighters because it looks macho and trendy, like how you look with your cellphone!

And since we are on that topic, hear this: I absolutely refuse to buy a high-priced cellular phone. I have done it twice already and ended up being frustrated when the very expensive phone drop cheaply and mash up quickly. So when people posing with their expensive "Razr" and other brand-name phone try to make me look small with my not-so-bashy phone I just ask them one simple question: "Would you rather have a dear phone with no credit or a cheap phone with unlimited call time?"

There are many people who walk around proudly with their fancy cellular phones that cost over $25,000, and they can't afford a $100 phone card. Is that illogical or what? Frankly, I believe that you shouldn't even have a high-priced phone if you have to buy credit. Expensive cellphones should be hooked up straight. What you think?

Attracts thieves

I even know people who have very expensive phones that they refuse to answer if they are on a bus or if they are walking on certain streets downtown because they are afraid of being robbed. So you buy a mobile phone because you want people to be able to contact you no matter where you are, but you have to turn it off on the road because it attracts thieves. What's the point? I think it's better if you sell the pricey phone and buy something cheap that nobody wants to steal. That way, you can keep it turned on, and I can get you when I call! But our people love bling.

As for the expensive "blue tooth" contraption that some people have attached to their ears, I really can't stand it. I would go crazy if I had to wear one. I would simply forget what it is, and end up boxing it off my head-side thinking it's some insect or something. Trust me, when I see people with the device attached to their head with a light blinking, I can't help thinking "Aliens are among us!" And don't tell me nonsense about needing to wear this thing on your head because you get regular phone calls. Would you walk around with a portable toilet strapped to your rear because you get regular bowel movements?

Most people in other parts of the world treat a cellphone like a simple tool, and that's what it is. But many of us Jamaicans treat it like a very important fashion accessory. We wear our phone like a status symbol! We don't feel well-dressed and ready to step out until we put on our watch, chain, rings - and cellphones. Some people even pose with phones that are completely dead!

Am I lying?

box-mi-back@hotmail.com