Dear Pastor,

I must give you big hands up for making yourself always available to listen and counsel so many persons. Keep up the good job. I am an 18-year-old female, currently attending university. I am also a Christian and I take that very seriously. God has been giving me a lot of strength to resist temptations. However, there is one hindrance in my life and I am asking you to give me your advice.

I have always developed crushes on guys, but as they come, they go. Therefore, I do not allow myself to get involved in any intimate relationships. I met a guy while I was in third form at high school. He was 10 years older than I, but I developed a crush on him. We got involved when I was in fifth form, but because I was aspiring to become a true child of God, I told him never to call my phone number again because I did not need any distractions. It has been five years and I still have feelings for this man. He is all I think about. He is the first person I think about in the mornings and the last when I go to bed. I cannot stop myself from doing it. I have prayed and fasted, but my feelings for him still remains.

While by the grace of God I know that I will never sleep with this man, I still feel awful because I like him very much. My problem is that I need to stop liking him. I have done everything possible to stop liking him. I have moved from West Jamaica all the way to East, but he is like a thorn in my flesh. I thought that if I could write him a letter explaining my true feelings for him then maybe we could talk it out and I could stop liking him. However, when he got the letter it only made things worst. He is not a Christian. He is extremely gorgeous, so chances are he has a lot of women or he has already selected his wife. I know that we will never have a future together and that is why I need to get over him. I like him so much that whenever I think about him, I feel so happy, yet so sad because of what can never be. I know that he has feelings for me too, but maybe it is the same thing he feels for all the girls in his life.

Pastor, I am asking you, what should I do when my heart keeps telling me that I belong with this man? I cannot imagine being with anyone but him permanently. I know that it is wrong to feel like this but these feelings refuse to go away. I need to stop liking him. Five years of strong feelings and I cannot take it anymore. How can I let go? It is very bad because whenever I go back home for the holidays and he is out of the country, I feel like a part of me is gone. I am dying for your fatherly advice. Help!

C. R., St. Andrew

Dear C.R.,

Let me set your mind at ease. The dealings you have for this man are normal. You are not sinning because you often think about him. On the other hand, if you are lusting after him and behaving as if both of you are in bed having sexual intercourse, that's another matter. Surely that would be wrong. But to think about him and wondering whether or not both of you will ever get together as husband and wife is not committing a sin.

I am sorry that you did not explain how the man reacted to your letter. It would have been helpful for me if you had mentioned what he said. As a Christian you know what the Bible says about marrying non-Christians. Some non-Christians become angry whenever we remind Christians about being unequally yoked. But, God's word is true and if anyone violates the principles that are laid down in the Word of God, he/she will suffer the consequences.

I want you to consider this man dead. Unless you consider him dead, the desire that you have for him will haunt you. The Apostle Paul says in one of his epistles that he died daily and what he was trying to say is that he was trying to put behind him certain desires of the flesh. Every Christian has to learn to do that. The desire you have for this man must be nailed to the cross, but it may take years for you to truly get over him. I want to assure you of my prayers.

Pastor