Dear Pastor,

I am a reader of your column and I like the advice that you give. I hope the Lord will bless you with many more years. I never thought I would be writing to you for advice.

I am a 19-year-old girl who is madly in love with a 25-year-old man. We are not together now but I am wondering if I should get back with him or leave him alone. We became lovers in 2003. He was living with a lady, but I didn't have a problem with that. Now that they are separated, he is living with another lady and it bothers me a lot.

The lady with whom he is having a relationship is from Montego Bay, but now lives in Westmoreland. She has a supermarket and a van and he lives in a house for which she pays the rent. He calls me at times and drives her van to come and see me. But since they became lovers, I can't go to his house or let the lady know we are intimate friends.

My mother says I should just forget about him. Believe me, I have tried, but it's hard to do. One afternoon while at lunch, I was walking up the staircase and someone ran up behind me and grabbed me. To my surprise, it was the guy. We started kissing and could not control ourselves. He said that whenever he sees me, he cannot control himself. He wants me more and more. He does not care if I have a man.

Chance

The following evening, we went to his cousin's house and had sex. He said I still stand a chance in his life. I have met other men who are interested in me, but I can't shake the feelings of wanting to get back with him. He is very loving, romantic and kind. He is everything a girl wants in man. I am not really confused. I just want your fatherly advice.

R. M., Westmoreland, Jamaica

Dear R. M.,

You have to learn to set standards for yourself and right now, you are making yourself cheap. You became intimate although you knew he was living with another woman. You declared that that did not bother you. After the man broke up with the woman, he lived with another woman. They also broke up. Now he is having an intimate relationship with his employer, but he is still fooling around with you and you are quite willing to go to bed with him. Therefore, you have not set a high standard for yourself and he knows that.

Why should you allow yourself to be used by this man? You shouldn't call him, neither should you entertain him when he comes to see you. He does not love you enough to make you his wife. Can't you see that all he wants is sex? Is that all you want from a man? That's all you will get from him. Ask God to give you the strength to say no to him. Keep far from this man. You can't compete with his employer.

Take your mother's advice.

Pastor