Dear Pastor,

I am a 26-year-old living in Canada but I am a Jamaican. I recently visited my homeland and I was there for 10 days. Over the course of the visit, I ran into an old classmate and neighbour whom I have known all my life. We had an immediate attraction to each other. The only problem is that he has a 'baby mother'. I didn't know about her at first, but after a few days, people in our community were gossiping about how I came to Jamaica to steal people's man.

After the rumours started, I immediately asked him about it and he told me that they are on rocky grounds, but I felt as though it was still disrespectful on my part. So, I told him we had to cool it and take it easy out of respect for his child's mother. Apparently, news got back to her that we were spending time together. She started calling me and telling me how she's going to kill me and she cursed me, but up until this day, I have not responded to her insults. I tried not to spend time with him for two days and it was so hard to see him around and not be able to spend time with him.

To cut a long story short, he came to my house saying that he has always loved me and he wants me in his life. Honestly, I feel the same way about him. I am now in Canada and we communicate everyday. Our relationship is just getting stronger.

But what do I do about his child's mother? Do I give him an ultimatum or do I just walk away broken hearted?

T., Toronto, Canada

Dear T.,

I doubt very much that you are going to like what I am about to tell you, but I am going to say it anyway. I don't believe that this man was totally honest to you when he first saw you. I do not believe that if you had not heard on the street that he has a child with another woman and that the two of them have a steady relationship, that he would have told you. He admitted it because you confronted him. The people in the community said you came to take away another woman's man. That's how people in rural Jamaica talk when they see certain things going on that they don't consider right.

True, you may love this fellow, but he may not be speaking the truth when he told you that the relationship with his girlfriend is rocky. He may be lying because he has his eyes on coming to Canada and you are his gateway to the land of opportunity. You should leave him to his 'baby mother'. She must indeed be upset with you. I am not saying that you had anything to do with it at first, but now that you know that the man has his woman, don't even look his way. He is going to find all types of faults now about his child's mother that were not there before to make you feel that she is a bad woman. Don't be taken in by his lies.

Pastor