When you want to party, what kind of party is your party? Do you like the parties where people stand around smiling and nibbling finger-food, while sharing polite pretensions? I hate those parties. If I'm at a party, I want to hear loud music and see crazy dancing.

Some people like the big splash and 'bling out' kind of party? You know - the kind of party where the party goers are all dressed in gaudy costumes and gather in gender groups: A crew of men on one side and a posse of women on the other side. The young males usually have neatly-shaped eyebrows and wear pants that are tighter than airport security. The young females wear many yards of false hair, many inches of false nails and a few inches of skirts that look more like belts.

And everybody (men and women) has his/her underwear on display. When the intro to one of their favourite tunes starts playing, they run up and down in excitement, beat the walls, scream, shout and 'buss blank shots' in mock gun salutes with their fingers. I hate those parties too!

Rambling selectors - no!

Personally, I prefer the parties where the selectors don't talk on and on and on. I don't need some ignorant sound system selector to instruct me when to jump and when to rail and when to dance and so on. And I want them to play the complete song and stop this 'wheel and pull up' nonsense. I call it musical 'coitus interuptus.'

Of course, elections are on the horizon. So when I mention party I'm sure some folks think I am asking them about their political affiliation. I know better than to ask Jamaicans a question like that. It could cause serious argument. Well, maybe not anymore. What you think?

In the past, most Jamaicans would passionately defend one of the two (and a half) major political parties. Nowadays most Jamaicans seem to dis-passionately dismiss all of them. And I can understand why. After all, what do we really have by way of political representation?

Stillborn NDM

There is the stillborn, half-of-a-party known as the National Democratic Movement (N.D.M.) Based on their performance in elections thus far, you could easily think the NDM stands for No Distinct Movement. Or, based on the support from the public, the letters could mean No Damn Members. Then there are the two big institutions, JLP and PNP.

According to how often their members jump ship, JLP could easily stand for Jamaicans Leaving the Party. And many people are now deciding that PNP means Portia's Not Prepared.

Frankly, I like the two big parties - especially when it's election time. Why? They both keep nice fundraising parties (the finger-food type) where com-edians can get paid to entertain. And they pay well. They also have massive street dances (also called public meetings) where free liquor, free food, free T-shirts and free money is abundant. Free transportation is usually provided too. And I love freeness. So here's my advice to Jamaican voters: attend all the big parties that the two major political parties keep and indulge in the freeness. Nyam out the two of dem, then vote for any which party you prefer.

Let's party!

box-mi-back@hotmail.com.