Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old female who is very depressed and on the verge of committing suicide. When I was 19, I met and fell in love with a 36-year-old man. He told me that he was single and did not have any children. A few months later I found out that it was not true. To cut a long story short, I ended up getting pregnant and his woman is now threatening me. She follows me everywhere I go and I am scared. The truth is I am deeply in love with this man and I find it hard to leave him. Sometimes he would beat me and tell me that no matter what happens between us, I am not going to leave him.

Pastor, please tell me what to do.

N.S., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear N.S.,

You should tell this man that if he lifts his hand and hits you again, you are going to report him to the police and have him arrested. No woman should allow a man to beat her. If a man threatens to beat his woman, she should let him know immediately that she will have him arrested. Any woman who is scared to stand up to a man is going to be abused by him. Unless abusers and wife beaters, etc., receive professional help, they don't stop beating women.

I am sorry that you continued to have an intimate relationship with this man even after you discovered that he had lied to you about his marital status. And, to make matters worse, you allowed him to get you pregnant. No counsellor is going to be able to help you until you have come to the place where you realise that you are wasting your time with this man and that you must leave him. He told you that you are not going to leave him, but he said that because he knows that you want to continue the relationship with him. If you are determined to leave him, you will.

I don't know if you are depending on him for your daily bread. No woman should put herself in that sort of situation. If you are working and can support yourself, it is easier for you to leave him. Have your baby. See to it that he supports your child. If he refuses to do so, take him to court. But let him know that the intimate relationship or the love affair is over.

Pastor

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?

IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU?

WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR. AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. FOR PERSONAL REPLIES PLEASE INCLUDE A STAMPED, SELF ADDRESSED ENVELOPE. TELEPHONE: 929 - 1667/8