Dear Pastor,

I am a young mother of one child and I am hurting and angry. I have a child by a man who lied to me. I found out during my pregnancy that my child's father had another woman pregnant and that they were living together. It hurts me to think that I gave this man all that I had and he hurt me like this.

I am scared and I feel alone. I cannot talk to my family members about it. I am always sad and crying. This man supports his child financially, but only when I call him and ask him for money and it makes me feel less than a woman. I know that his other children are taken care of.

Recently, I started talking to another young man whom I dated in the past. I am scared to open up to him in a relationship because he too has hurt me before. My child's father told me that he loved me, and wanted to be with me. I do not believe it for a second, because I have never done anything to intentionally hurt him. I got pregnant while I was in college and I want to go back and finish school. I am exhausted. I am alone all the time with my baby who has special needs because she is premature. He does not help me take care of her. I know that I cannot be with this man because I have a daughter and I cannot allow her to see me living a certain lifestyle.

Please, I need your advice?

E., Florida, U.S.A.

Dear E,

In the first place, I want to suggest that you stop hiding information from your relatives about this man. They need to know that you have found out that he is not who he pretended to be when you met him and started a relationship with him. They need to know that he has another child and that he is not supporting the child well. You need to ask them for moral support. Your relatives believe that you are doing well and that you have a good man. If they were aware of your problems, they probably would offer assistance. So, start talking.

I am glad that you want to return to school. Discuss these things with your relatives. They may have ideas they can pass on to you on how you can take care of your baby and at the same time attend school.

Concerning the other guy you are seeing, make sure that you do not do anything silly that will put you into further bondage and make life more burdensome. Not all men speak the truth as you have found out. What is your priority right now, a man or an education? A good education will help you face the challenges of the job market. When you have a good education, you can get a good job and meet your bills. Without a good education, you may have to rely on a man for everything.

Pastor

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR. AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. FOR PERSONAL REPLIES PLEASE INCLUDE A STAMPED, SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE. TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8