Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old who is just discovering my sexuality. I have a lot of problems in my life, but there is one problem that seems as if it is taking control of my life and that problem is sex.

It's all I think about every minute of every day. I am still a virgin, which makes it a lot harder for me. At school whenever I see a cute guy passing, I instantly become so horny to the point where sex is all I can think about for the rest of the day.

This is a big problem, because my grades are slipping. No matter how much I seem to study or try to focus on other things, sex is just always on my mind.

It is getting to the point where it is so hard for me to control my sexual urges. I am afraid I might do something stupid that I will regret.

Please, pastor, I desperately need your help. I feel like I am going crazy.

S.B., Maryland, U.S.A..

Dear S.B.,

Would you believe me if I were to tell you that some other girls your age are faced with the same problem? Yes, they are. You are not alone. And I also want to tell you that if you were to start having sex, you will find it more difficult to control your urges.

The good thing about what is happening to you is that it will not kill you. Your sex drive is normal. Your sexual urges are normal. What you are experiencing is not love. It is purely physical.

That is why you have to be careful about how you respond to your urges and your emotions. When a girl is so tempted by the very appearance of a man, it is easy for her if the opportunity arises for her to go 'all the way'.

Boys find it very easy to have sex without making commitments and unfortunately some girls when they start to have sex, do so without commitment too. But it affects them more than boys. It is called casual sex.I want to assure you that your sex drive can be controlled. For example, when animals are in heat (fertile), the sex drive is irresistible.

They have no choice but to mate. We humans can think before we act. We do not have to give in to our sex drive. We can consider the consequences. We can think about the future and we can decide what we will and will not do. The sex drive is different from the hunger drive.

You cannot survive long without eating, but you can deny the sex drive indefinitely without any ill effects whatsoever.

Always remember that one sexual act can cause you much sorrow for many years. Remain active. Occupy yourself not only with your studies, but with physical activities. Pray and ask God to help you to keep your body under subjection.

Pastor

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR. AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. FOR PERSONAL REPLIES PLEASE INCLUDE A STAMPED, SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE. TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8.