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YOU KNOW, FOR many women across the world, the last two weeks have been a virtual nightmare. Yes, the World Cup, the month-long celebration of the 'beautiful game' is upon us once more and there are a couple billion women across the world and right here in the Caribbean, who are not pleased.
Their plight is especially bad now that there are also tons of sports - cricket and tennis from Wimbledon - on television. These women are not hard to find, they're everywhere. You see them sitting on the couch next to you, their faces stiff as boards, fighting back the urge to scream or put a knife in your back. You'll also see them looking at you with so much disdain that you would tend to believe they were looking at a rotting corpse.
It gets even worse if there is only one television in the house. A friend of mine explains it thus: "You feel like you're a prisoner in your own home. Everywhere you go all you can hear about is this Argentina, and this boring cricket," she said. "It's like they're taking away your civil liberties."
She says she feels like how a man would feel if she asked him to watch Lifetime television. That, I can relate to. However, that is all I can relate to because while Lifetime is on every day, the World Cup rolls around once every four years and as such, we sports lovers deserve the chance to have a month when we can truly call the television ours.
But women will argue otherwise. The biggest sporting event in the world is going on and they want to watch some tear-jerker or some crappy show like Bold and the Beautiful or Oprah or God forbid, The View with the obnoxious Star Jones (Ding Dong, the witch is dead) and the ancient Barbara Walters.
You would think that with all the well-muscled men running around in shorts more women would be keen to watch the football, if only to lust at the sweating, well-toned bodies. But no, all they can gripe about is that all we men watch are sports and nothing else. I swear, networks like ESPN to most women is like Lifetime to most men.
This is also why you will notice that some women will find it necessary to want to clean the house while a match is on and every second they are in front of the television, forcing you to crane your neck just to catch a glimpse of what is going on. Usually when they do this is more often than not when a big play is being made or a crucial goal is being scored.
Other women will go as far as to stand in front of the television butt naked to win your attention but usually if you're a guy that is really into the World Cup and if your team is playing, sex is not all that appealing because you already feel wonderful just watching the game.
Just today I read somewhere that betting on World Cup games for some men is even better than sex. According to the study being conducted during this World Cup, men betting on the games and winning, experience even more intense pleasure than they do while having an orgasm. That is how sweet it is.
The bottom line is that it is the greatest show on earth and a few billion people have tasted the sweetness and are hooked and nothing can break that addiction, no threats, no sex, and no threats of no sex.
And this is why if you're living with a woman whether she is your wife, girlfriend, fianceé or concubine, two television sets is a must, especially if you're a sports fan and she is not.
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