DEAR PASTOR,
I am a 24-year-old young lady who is concerned about a relationship in which I am involved. My spouse is 32 years of age and I met him three days after I returned from England. He also is from England. We met here in Jamaica as he was here for his grandfather's funeral. We spent only weekends together as I was in another parish most of the time. We would speak frequently on the phone. The second week together he asked my mother if it was OK for him to date me. She said it was OK, but then asked if he was married in England. He told her that he was not married and that he had just broken up with his girlfriend.
He told me that two weeks before he came to Jamaica, he and his girlfriend had an argument and she threw out his things. We spent three memorable weekends together, getting to know each other and I happened to fall in love with him. He was the man of my dream: honest, romantic, kind and down to earth. The man I dreamt of as a teenager.
When he left Jamaica he called everyday and we talked for hours. We still do, however, he got back together with the girl who threw him out. They were living together again, now he says he thinks that she might be pregnant. She stopped taking the contraceptive and refused to take the morning after tablet the last time they had unprotected sex. He said that he thinks that she is feeling insecure and so she got pregnant. He is no longer living with her because they keep arguing, but they are still having an affair.
They have a four year old son together. He also has an older daughter and she has an older son. He is in love with both of us and says that he does not want to hurt either of us. He said that he did not want the reason for breaking up with her to be because of another woman. He would rather if they had an argument and she told him that it is over, then he would not get back together with her as he always does. It has been eight months now since we met and I am not seeing anyone else even though he does not stop me.
He said that whatever I do should be a one-night stand and nothing serious, and I should tell him about it. I too, do allow him to have one-night stands apart from with that girl, but he does not let her know about it. We do not hide anything from each other. He said that he told her about meeting someone in Jamaica. He also told her that we didn't have sex, which is true, we didn't.
I was planning to go to England, but he said he is coming down and he wants me and my three daughters he adores, to rent an apartment while he is here. My problem is that I do not know if I should continue to think of him as the man of my dreams which I have finally found or whether I should move on and try to find another man.
What advice would you give to me? I await your urgent reply.
N.F., Clarendon, Jamaica
Dear N.F.,
This man is fooling you. He has never totally broken off with the woman who is living in England. And, if you continue to maintain a relationship with him, he will return to Jamaica and use you. It is just a matter of time. You are a grown woman and you shouldn't allow a man to fool you by making false promises to you. This man is a liar. He is dishonest and untrustworthy. Stop communicating with him.
Pastor
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