DEAR PASTOR,
I am a 20-year-old male who has been having a big problem and it is nothing you have not heard before.
My problem is masturbating and it's been a big problem for me for the past four years. It is affecting my life, especially my ability to focus on my school work and also my social life. No matter how hard I try to stop, I still end up doing it again. It makes me feel like I want to hate myself for what I am doing and I just want to stop.
THREE TIMES PER DAY
On average, I would masturbate like four days for the week and like three times per day and I can tell you that it is every addictive and also uncontrollable. The two main situations that will cause me to masturbate is the watching of pornography, to which I am addicted and whenever I make love to my girlfriend (we do not have sex). She is not ready to have sex and I will not force her to or pressure her to do it, because I love her a lot and respect her wishes.
What makes the matter complicated for me is that my girlfriend is four years my junior and we are both virgins and I really want to have sex with her. I have this mentality that the only way I will ever stop masturbating is unless I have sex and that mentality has been in my head for the past four years.
It has been affecting my life badly that I fear so much that I will not be successful in my recent final examinations because when I should be studying, I would leave and go watch pornography on television or from the Internet. So you see it's like I'm surrounded by pornography that there's no way I can elude the graphics.
Whenever I watch "porn" or make love to my girlfriend, I tend to reminisce about it for days. I would just have frequent and uncontrollable erections with great intensity; and that also cause me to masturbate because I want to release these tensions building up inside me. I want to stop!
HATE ERECTIONS
Sometimes I feel like I would give almost anything to have sex, the need for it is up to my throat and it gets worse every time I masturbate. You know, I wish I could take some medication that will cause me to have dysfunctional erections on a temporary basis. I just hate to have erections and I'm not going to have sex.
Pastor, how am I going to stop? Will I be able to change the mentality that I have about masturbating? Will my girlfriend have sex with me soon and save the day? I'm confused, distorted and badly in need of some sex from my girlfriend. Please help me, pastor. What must I do?
S. D., St. Andrew, Jamaica
Dear S.D.,
The watching of pornography is an addiction that is not easy to break. You cannot break this addiction without professional help. You have become obsessed with pornography and it is stroking you to death. Many reasons are given why teenagers 'grapple with pornography'. Dr. Les Parrott 111 gives several reasons in his book, 'Helping Your Struggling Teenager'.
1. Curiosity
2. Physiological desires.
3. Availability
Patrick Carnes Points out that addiction to pornography follows a four-step cycle
1. Preoccupation
2. Ritualization
3. Compulsive sexual behaviour
4. Despair
You have been watching and reading pornographic movies and literature for many years and therefore you need professional help. There is real danger that one day you may rape your girlfriend. So I beg you, young man, call a psychologist today and make an appointment to see him or her.
Pastor
You have been watching and reading pornographic movies and literature for many years and therefore you need professional help. Some may argue that porno is beneficial, but the truth is that it promotes sexual violence against women such as rape and hostility towards women. It also gives an "unrealistic expectation about sexuality....Researchers have found that after repeated exposure to pornography, men and women becomes less satisfied with the physical appeal of 'Real' partners".
There is real danger that one day you may rape your girlfriend. So I beg you, young man, call a psychologist today and make an appointment to see him or her.
Pastor
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