DEAR PASTOR,
I am a 26-year-old female who is studying very hard to survive on my own in Jamaica. I have two wonderful boys and they are worth any amount of struggle. Well, the problem at hand is that I am dating a 22-year-old man and somehow my big mouth has caused a mess of things for us. He has issues with trust and honesty and I didn't make it any better. He shared a lot of awful details about his family or certain members of his family and instead of staying out of all the nonsense that had taken place, I added to it by telling his cousin some of what he trusted me with. I later found out it was a set up. He wanted to find out if I would or was cheating on him, but he only found out that I am a 'backstabber'.
My behaviour in the whole situation is very beneath me and I just couldn't fathom why I did it. You see, I was going through a difficult period in my life and I needed help financially and he offered to help, but his reason for helping is because he was having sex with me. Well, those were his exact words, except more graphic. I felt really low by his comment and wondered why and what he wanted from me. In order to learn more about him, I became friendly with his cousin. I began asking questions and she began spilling out answers. Things got out of hand.
My boyfriend was a little hypocrite and I thought to myself, if he can do that to his cousin, then what would he do to me. Anyway, the cousin lashed out and apparently was telling him everything we discussed about him and all that I had said. I tried to protect myself and denied it all. I lied and lied and to my surprise he actually was hearing the correct information and so realising that I really knew. I confessed and told him the truth, so now he doesn't trust me, not at all and I can't blame him.
I acted immaturely and now he insults me often. His insults make me feel like if the earth will open and swallow me, it would be a relief. I know I was wrong and probably I don't deserve anything at all from him. I also told him to leave and he refuses to leave saying, I must come up with a way to solve our problems. I know that we can't get things where they were. I found out that he is seeking to have a relationship with someone else. I have deceived him, but I never cheated on him and I have been allowing him to trample all over my self-esteem.
I think we're just kidding ourselves and I just cannot take it anymore. He is doing what he is doing to get back at me and then leave me. I can't stand the game, I want out of the relationship because it is not fair for him and I don't want him to use my fat to fry anyone else and I don't want to tarnish any chance of happiness.
So my questions to you are how do I leave? Is there something wrong with me? Do I deserve forgiveness? Or should I just cut my losses and bounce? I look forward to your fatherly advice.
Frustrated, St. Andrew, Jamaica
Dear Frustrated,
I have one suggestion to make and that is, both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor. If both of you claim to be in love, that is the intelligent thing to do. If this man is not willing to go to a counsellor, you should stop giving him the impression that he is the best thing God has made.
I don't want to comment on the things you have written about him. You are a grown woman and you should know that you should keep out of people's business. Intelligent people must learn to mind their own business.
Pastor
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