Dear Pastor,
I have a problem with my boyfriend. He is 30 and I am 21 years old. We have been together for four years but the relationship is not progressing as I had hoped.
Whenever we have a problem or disagreement, I don't see him for days and when he comes back, he wants to talk. When we talk, he wants sex and I can't deal with that. I always tell him that he hurts me when he does that and he always says he is sorry, but it always happens again. I love him and I want this relationship to work because he is such a sweet and caring person. I don't even tell him that he is wrong because I don't want him to disappear.
Please tell me what to do.
N. W.,
St. James,
Jamaica
Dear N. W.,
You are taking the wrong approach. You are allowing this man to have his way with you and to do anything he wants because you love him.
You are wrong, he is not caring. He is selfish and self-centred. He doesn't care how much you feel. He wants always to have his way. It is time for you therefore to tell him that you are fed up of his behaviour and if the relation-ship is to continue, he ought to respect your opinion, and both of you should go to a counsellor for professional help.
You see, my dear, what this man is doing now is an indication that he will continue to do so even if both of you were married. Problems cannot be resolved if they are not discussed and action taken. You are eager to have this man around that even after he has stayed away and resurfaced, so to speak, you do not talk to him about his behaviour. Whether you know it or not, this man is using you.
The next time he walks away and refuses to talk, tell him not to come back. And if he returns, have the courage to ignore him.
Pastor
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