DEAR PASTOR,
I am married and my husband lives in Jamaica with his girlfriend. I have just not got around to divorcing him yet. No, I am not holding on to the marriage, because I do not want him back.
I no longer wish to date Jamaican men because of my experiences with them. They are simply about themselves. I have decided that I will only date white men from now on because it seems like most white men know how to treat a lady like a lady. I am not looking for sex, I am looking for intimacy. I want to feel like I belong to someone who really cares about me.
CONFIDENT GUYANESE
Two weeks ago, I was sitting in the front row of the movie theatre waiting for the movie to start. I met this gentleman from Guyana and he started up a conversation with me. What impressed me about him was the way he spoke. He spoke clearly, intelligently and with a great deal of confidence. Pastor, it was like a breath of fresh air. He spoke like a gentleman should. I could tell that this is the kind of man that I always wanted to be with. We spoke for two hours while waiting for the movie to start and after the movie was finished we spoke for another hour while I was waiting for my daughter. He asked me if he could kiss me. This is not like me, but I thought about it and I found myself being open to the idea. I really wanted him to kiss me and he did. It was so gentle and so nice, unlike anything I had ever had in all my 37 years. He gave me his numbers and asked me to call him.
ALL ABOUT A KISS
Before he did that, he told me that he is in a relationship and then gave me the option of either stopping there or see what happens (this was all before the kiss). I chose to play along to see what would happen. We talked on the phone several times. One night last week, I called him and invited him over. I told him that I did not want sex, I just wanted to rest my head on his shoulder. He came over and we kissed and kissed and caressed each other but it did not go further than that although I wanted it to. I could tell that he did too, but I told him that I was not ready for the next part and he was a total gentleman about it. After a while, he kissed me and then he went home.
The problem I am having is that I am a Christian. I know that I was not acting like one, but I am.Now here I am, a Christian, still in the flesh, but I have a lot of love inside of me. I have a lot of desire to have sex, but I am not into casual sex because to me sex is not just the physical act, sex is emotional too.
Pastor, what am I supposed to do with all this desire that is inside me? I think about this gentleman all the time and all I want to do is kiss him and enjoy him, but I know it is not fair to him to get him all excited and then not be able to have intercourse. Please give me some advice. What is a Christian woman to do? Sometimes I get so lonely.
Mrs. Lonely, Florida, USA
Dear Mrs. Lonely,
I am going to ignore what you said about Jamaican men. I wish to remind you that you already committed adultery although you did not have sexual intercourse. As a Christian, you should know that Jesus said, if a person has the desire to have sex with another person, he/she has committed adultery in his/her heart.You are heading in the wrong direction my dear. I am afraid that it won't be long before this man uses you and drops you.
Pastor
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