DEAR PASTOR,
What I'm about to say to you may be confusing and long but please try to understand where I'm coming from. I have written a few letters to you but I have never had the courage to send them.
The problem is that at a very tender age I was molested by more than one member of my family and I am still living amongst them.
USED
I have been used by a few men over and over again and now I'm beginning to feel like a whore. I'm nineteen years old. I have three subjects and I'm currently doing a computer course. With the little that I have and no money, I don't know what to do with my life. I wake up every day and I feel like there's something eating out the inside of me little by little and it's as if my life is slipping away.
I need you to tell me how a nineteen-year- old girl who depends on her mother for the little that she has to survive, who can't find a job, who doesn't have any friends, no courage, no faith and is so afraid, can start a new life for herself. I really need your help because I don't think life is worth living anymore.
Here are a few questions I would like to ask you and I would like your answers.
If a nineteen-year-old girl had sex with four different guys and she doesn't enjoy being with them, what do you personally think?
What is wrong with a girl that never gets an orgasm through all her sexual experiences?
Can a person get an orgasm and not know it?
How can a young girl's life be affected by not having friends or by not having any fun?
If a person does not get a good night's sleep and sleeps a lot during the day and feels very weak afterwards, what is the problem?
If a person fantasises about sex and things that are in another life and talks to herself, do you think she is crazy?
I know that this sounds like a lot of bad things but I know God forgives me so why can't I forgive myself for taking advantage of my body.
M. C., Clarendon, Jamaica
Dear M. C.,
In the first place, I would like to say that I am sorry that you were sexually abused by your family members. Now, you have asked questions about orgasm, sleep, sexual fantasies, etc.
All these things should be discussed with a professional in person. Perhaps you should think of meeting a female therapist. I don't mean to imply that a male therapist would not be able to help you, he would.
But I suggest a female because of the questions you have asked and the abuse that you have suffered by family members, etc.
I don't want you to feel that I am ignoring your questions. What I am trying to say is that you are putting the cart before the horse and there are many issues that should be dealt with in your life that are much more important than orgasm.
Unless for example, you deal with the matter of self-esteem and self-worth, you are likely to get hurt by men because you see them as your hope of experiencing happiness and acceptance. Worry is a silent killer so make an appointment to see a counsellor without delay.
Pastor
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