WOMEN SHARE, MEN declare! Yes, a man might share food, drink or money with a close friend. Sharing heart-felt hopes and desires however, is hard for most men. And that's distressing!
The average macho Jamaican man seems to have serious difficulty when it comes to sharing his true feelings, fears, hopes or dreams. It somehow seems easier for a man to beat his chest and declare that him "big, bad and wicked" (even when him know say is not true), than it is for him to admit to any form of weakness or inadequacy. And that's unhealthy!
If his lady is foolish enough to follow certain DJs and "bun him, take the house and car and run him", most men won't cry on a friend's shoulder or talk to a counsellor. They would either get violent immediately, or declare: "a nuh nutten" while deep down, their repressed anger is boiling over. And that's dangerous! Which man you know going to confess to his brethren that he's having problems with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction? Fi mek man tease him? Never dat! A man prefer to make his friends think that it's because he's the ultimate "gallis", why he keeps changing women frequently, rather than admit (even to a doctor) that the ladies won't stay long because he can't stand strong! And that's pathetic!
HARMFUL!
If you talk long enough, truth slips out. Maybe that's why many Jamaican men seem afraid of sharing; as in speaking from their heart. If his mother wants to talk about the direction of his life or his spouse wants to discuss issues in their relation, most men get dismissive with the declaration: "man nuh inna nuh heap a long talking!" If the children want to share and talk with daddy, some men would encourage them to go talk to mummy.
And that's harmful! I remember hearing a social worker talk about a man she heard declaring that he never takes his children out with him, because "pickney fi par wid dem mumma." When asked why, he declared philosophically "Chicken falla backa hen! Yu ever si chicken a falla backa rooster yet?" And that's funny, but sad!
Some years ago, the late Earl Warner created and directed a play called MANTALK. It was a powerful theatrical piece that provided an opportunity for men to share a range of male issues. It pushed boundaries, was very controversial, but it got men talking. And that's good! A few years later, came the television talk show MANTALK, which attempted to also get men sharing.
FELT OFFENDED
I liked some of the earlier instalments in that series. They managed to get qualified, engaging hosts facilitating some genuine sharing with intelligent guests. So I thought "that's better"...till it got worse! I felt offended at one time when I saw that MANTALK had become a series pandering to mass appeal and promoting popular stereotypes.
It was set in a bar, with some men in the background drinking liquor, playing dominoes and talking male bovine crap. And it was hosted by a woman. Since then, it has varied between good, bad and not too bad. And that's not good enough!
Coming out of a male training workshop hosted by Women's Media Watch in 2004, a group of conscious men from diverse backgrounds have continued meeting and sharing. This has now evolved into a new and dynamic organisation aptly called MAN (Male Action Network), which seeks to highlight and take action on issues facing the Caribbean man.
Now that's encouraging! And last week, over 80 persons representing men's organisations from across the Caribbean gathered in Jamaica at a conference organised by MAN, under the theme "MANTALK - Caribbean Male Perspectives on Issues of Manhood and Gender Equality".
They shared ideas, strategies, concerns, research findings and humorous anecdotes. The MAN's project mandate is to examine the reality of men, help strengthen our roles in the prevention of HIV/AIDS and gender-based violence; and promote healthy development for boys and young men. If you ask me (and even if yu nuh ask mi, I will tell yuh)...that's excellent!
Man and woman, talk to me at: box-mi-back@hotmail.com
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