Dear Pastor,
I am a 19-year-old Jamaican girl who resides in New York. I met a guy about 10 months ago and we started seeing each other. I used to be a Christian, but I have turned back. At first my parents thought we were just friends, but then they realised that it was more than that. We went through some things with my parents, but he still stuck around. He is a very respectable man. He really encourages me to stay in school and do well. The thing is, he does not really have his parents around and he has to be supporting himself.
He came to America a year ago so he is not really settled in as yet. He is 20 years old and he does not go to school. He dropped out as he was about to come to America. He plans to do his GED and we plan to start going to church together. We also want to get married, but my parents say there is no way I am going to get married to him. He and my mother have a good relationship, but she sees him like her own son, someone that she can help and guide, not as my husband. My father does not deal with him period.
He is really trying to get his future together and we love each other very much. I think all he needs is some help seeing that his parents can't help to get him on the right track. I think I can help him. Don't get me wrong, his parents have not abandoned him, but his mother has six other kids to take care of and he is the eldest. We are thinking about getting married without anyone knowing and then have an official wedding later on.
What should I do?
S. T., New York, USA
Dear S. T.,
You are very young and very much in love. However, I urge you not to ignore the advice of your parents. If you do, you may live to regret what you have done. On the matter of getting married secretly, don't even think about it. That is a wrong way to start life.
Continue to encourage this young man to go back to school and to work hard. If he proves that he is an ambitious and hardworking young man, your parents may begin to like him and accept him as a son-in-law. Your father wants the best for you. He does not expect you to live on Second Street. He would prefer if you would live on First Avenue. He doesn't want you to travel on economy, he wants you to travel first class where you can be pampered and enjoy the best of life.
You are not yet ready for marriage, neither is this young man. Both of you can hardly help yourselves. Marriage is not running away. Spend time on your school work. Excel in that area and you will never regret doing so.
Pastor
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