Dear Pastor,
I've been living with my son's father for the past 3 years. I feel he's only using me because he wants to make sure that when he's finished with me no other man will want me. Then he might decide to go back to his baby mother. He tells me he doesn't love her, but I find it hard to believe him. Sometimes he defends her a lot and put me down. He also allows her to say bad things about me and our son. I am so angry and hurting inside, but I know one day I'll have the strength to leave him.
I realise I was just his substitute after he split with his baby mother. He's forever praising their kids, but he treats my children and his son like filth. He makes me feel like I'm nobody. He compliments other women in front of my face and constantly tells me that I need to gain weight. I've decided I'm going to move to Canada for a while so I'll be able to move on and my pain can heal. He will never see me or his son again, as long as I live. He doesn't care about him. We broke up before and I had to literally phone him and force him to see his son. I feel as though I'm nothing without him. Why?
Help me please. What should I do? Wait for him to continue use me and abuse me or try to move on?
E. F., England
Dear E. F.,
You have to begin to learn to love yourself. You have not got to that stage as yet. No woman should love a man more than herself. If she does, she is going to be abused. You need to empower yourself. You need to engage in self-talk to assure yourself that you are a woman of worth. Although this man abuses you, you are still obsessed with him. Therefore, you need counselling to learn how you can cope without him.
He does not respect you and that is why he belittles you even in the presence of others. He has destroyed your self-worth and self-esteem. Believe me, you need counselling. Even if you were to go to Canada, you will be going with yourself and you cannot get away from yourself. So you have to deal with the issue. You cannot beg a man to love you if it is not in his heart to do so.
Break up this relationship. It is not going to do you any good. Another man will accept you as you are, when the right time comes.
Pastor
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