Dear Pastor,
I currently live in Chicago but I have been travelling to Jamaica since I was a little girl, visiting my grandmother. A few years back I met this guy in Kingston and we talked for a while. We lost touch but then my auntie saw his sister and we started talking again. He was going through marital problems and I was going through baby daddy drama at the time so we never hooked up intimately. He's now in the States but he lives in New York and we've been seeing each other for two years now. We both have been travelling back and forth ever since he got here.
He recently asked me to marry him and I told him yes. At first everything was fine but lately I don't know what to think anymore. I started talking to some of my family members and they think he's using me to get his papers. Although both of my parents are Jamaicans, I was born here. I never thought of that but now it's on my mind constantly. I've never been the kind of person to listen to others when it comes down to my relationship, because there are a lot of haters out there. But I have to be honest it's really been on my mind. They don't know anything about our relationship, so most of it is because of other people's experience that they know of. We see so many people getting married for the same reason and the females always end up getting hurt.
I know he loves me unconditionally. When I'm with him, I have never felt so safe and protected in my life. He's there for me physically, emotionally, and financially. He's a man that believes family comes first. There is nothing he wouldn't do for me or my daughter. Since all this came up, I've been checking out things for myself. He has female friends and I never had a problem with it, because my best friend is a guy, but lately I have been hearing things on his voicemail that I don't like. One girl called him "boo", which I know is very common. The other one called and told him to call her back, but he thought it was me so that's how I found out about that one. We have each other's access codes for our voicemails. Other than the messages, I have no reason to think he's messing with someone else. He calls me 100 times a day telling me what he is doing. His pay cheque comes to me weekly to help with my bills. He treats my daughter like she's his and she loves him very much.
A. J., Illinois, USA
Dear A. J.,
You have to be very careful how you handle this situation. But at the same time, you have to discuss your concerns with him. Therefore, I am suggesting that you try to ascertain from him why he wants to marry you without giving away too much. If you are not skilful in handling the matter, he may accuse you of insulting him by suggesting to him that he has asked you to marry him so that he may gain permanent status in America.
I must say that you are a very fortunate person. Indeed he trusts you. Not many men are willing to have there women control their pay cheques.
Pastor
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