ALTHOUGH WOMEN often discredit men by saying they only have one thing on their mind, it is important to look at evolutionary psychology for one possible explanation of what men look for in women.
Men are not as reliant on their mate as women are on men, so they may not be as strongly oriented as women to spending their entire lives with only one mate.
According to evolutionary theory, the woman's desire to have one mate to help raise her children pressures males to be mono-gamous. If men do not want monogamy, they may end up with a lower quality of woman since the high quality women chose their mate based on his commitment to monogamy.
Evolutionary psychology offers one view about male psychology. Not all psychologists agree that this theory offers a complete explanation of "what men want," but some find the logic attractive.
Youth
Standards of physical beauty
Body shape
Good personality
YOUTH
According to evolutionary psychology, ancestral men evolved ways to sense how well woman might reproduce offspring (Buss, 1994: 50). One of the most obvious clues is youth. The older a woman gets, the less fertile she becomes. According to evolutionary psychologists, a man sees fertility as an important attribute because it assures him that his blood line will continue. In many cultures, men prefer wives who are younger, although the age difference varies across societies.
As men get older, they tend to be attracted to women who are increasingly younger than they are. Men in their thirties prefer women 5 years younger, while men in their 70's prefer women who are 10 to 20 years younger.
STANDARDS OF PHYSICAL BEAUTY
Although beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, there have been certain standards of female attractiveness that have become widely accepted. These standards are an indicator of the health and, according to evolutionary theory, therefore give men clues about the reproductive capability of the woman in question. Without these standards of beauty, a man would have a difficult time discerning a healthy woman who would produce healthy children from a woman of lesser health.
Features of physical appearance such as full lips, clear skin, smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair and good muscle tone were all indications to our evolutionary ancestors of a healthy woman. Attitudes such as bouncy, youthful gait, animated facial expression and high energy level were also behavioural features that a man could use to see a woman's youth and health.
According to evolutionary psychologists, symmetry is yet another measure of attractiveness that men use when evaluating any potential mate. Although this appears to be a minute detail, it could have its links to our evolutionary past.
BODY SHAPE
Body shape preference is perhaps the most culturally variable standard of beauty. The attractiveness of the shape of a woman's body is directly linked to what her body type represents in her culture. For instance, in a culture where food is scarce, such as among the Bushmen in Australia, a high status woman would be better fed and therefore larger. In a culture such as the United States and many Western European societies where food is abundant, the relationship between plumpness and status is reversed, and the rich distinguish themselves through thinness . Men do not have an evolved preference for body type, however, evolutionary psychologists claim men do have a preference for features linked with status.
Although women in the United States often think men prefer a thinner woman, a study done by psychologist Paul Rozin proves differently. The women were asked to identify the ideal body type for themselves and the body type they thought men preferred. In both cases, women chose body types slimmer than average. When men were then asked to indicate the body type they are most attracted to, they typically chose the average female build. The women in this study believed that men preferred thinner women, which proved not to be true.
Men, cross-culturally value a woman's attractiveness not only for her reproductive potential, but also as a sign that he can obtain a high-status, attractive woman.
GOOD PERSONALITY
Aside from beauty men want a partner who will fulfill them emotionally as well as physically. A good personality is a must for every man in a serious relationship. Aside from physical beauty, men also look for intelligence, optimistic attitudes, self-confidence, and partners who enjoy the same hobbies and/or interests they do.
Optimism is a trait that many guys look for in a girl. No one wants to be with someone who is always pessimistic or is constantly complaining about small issues. Men need someone who they can enjoy everyday conversation with, and share intimate feelings with, through positive outlooks on life.
Similar levels of intelligence are also important. Well matched couples generally have similar intelligence levels, that way they can be on the same "page" as each other. A graduate student may not have much in common with someone who has only finished junior high school. People tend to seek out companies with whom they can enjoy conversations at the same level of thought.
Common interests are also a big player in the dating game. If one partner lives for music, and the other one cant stand any noise, then chances are they won't get along as well as a couple who both enjoy (or dislike) a certain type of music. Someone who is physically fit and active may not get along so easily with someone who enjoys being couch potato.
These are all ideal situations which, of course, can have exceptions. Sometimes people find that they are truly happy with someone who is completely different from them, but generally the relationships that last are those in which the partners have much in common. In the end, having a best friend --or a soul mate-- is what really counts, and men need this just as much as women do.
Resources
Buss, David M. The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. New York: Basic Books, 1994.
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