Dear Pastor,
Thank you for this opportunity to express myself freely. I have been married for over 11 years and for the past 8 years, at least, my husband and I have been living as roommates. I do not allow myself to feel anything for him because I feel so much hurt has passed between us. We have a darling 8 year old girl who is much wiser than her age and she has never experienced her parents being loving towards each other. She has expressed to me that she wants us to stay together until she is grown up.
I am torn because I am 43 and so is he. As a woman, I believe that it will be more difficult for me to start life over again as easily as I did when I was 20 or 30. My financial status has been depleted within the past 2 1/2 years, so this makes my life even more difficult. I pretty much fend for myself for most things. At times I become overly stressed from my lifestyle and my behaviour is unbearable. I try to live in such a way that my daughter can be proud of me but each day I stay in my marriage, living becomes more difficult. My husband is very sneaky and conniving. Our daughter is very smart and sweet and she tries to keep the peace between us. I feel badly about that too!
With all that has happened I still know that God has blessed us with a lot and I give thanks to Him each day. I just do not want to continue living this lie of being a family. I do want to live a healthy, happy, joyfully, wealthy, wise and single life. I do not feel the need to fool anyone by pretending to be a family. I'll be just as proud to be single again except, this time, I will have a daughter and an ex husband.
May God forgive me if I am wrong but I don't want to believe that God would want any of his children to live with grief day after day because it destroys the body, mind and soul.
B. M., New York, USA
Dear B. M.,
You have expressed that you are very unhappy but you have not really clearly said what your husband is doing that is wrong. Yes, you mentioned that he is "conniving and very sneaky" and you blame yourself for your lifestyle.
I wonder whether your husband and you ever sought professional help to save your marriage. That would be my suggestion. Both of you need to go for counselling sessions. Call a family counsellor or psychologist and make an appointment. Before you do, discuss the matter with your husband. You seem to want out of this marriage but what I am urging you to do is to seek professional help before you take such a drastic decision.
Pastor
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