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WOMEN LOVE TO shop. Put some money in a woman's hand and point her in the direction of a sale and a more contented person you will not find. And there is something about Christmas that somehow incredulously enhances that feeling; not that women need any help in that department.
On the other hand, men are generally not shoppers. It doesn't matter what time of year it is. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule but eight out of every 10 of us are not shoppers.
Men, we see something we want, we buy it. If we have to save for a few months we do, and then we go get it. We have short attention spans, you see, we get excited about something for approximately two minutes and then it's as if someone hits a switch and then we're back on snooze phase. Shopping requires longer periods of concentration that we really can't be bothered with or just don't have the capacity for.
I say that because I really believe it is unfair for women to drag their men along when they go shopping, especially if the shopping is for women's stuff.
I am kind of different in that regard, however, because I like when my girl goes shopping for shoes because I like women's shoes, especially when it is being worn by very nice feet. Yeah, yeah, it's called a fetish. So what? Get a life.
SUFFERING MEN
Anyway, me aside, I have seen men suffer at the hands of their women all in the cause of being a good and loyal boyfriend/husband.
This mental and physical anguish that some of us suffer was brought home to me very forcefully the other day when I was out walking in Philipsburg, where I now live, and came upon a store that sold both clothes and cellphones.
Odd combination I agree, but this is Saint Maarten. Nothing here surprises me anymore, not after last weekend when I discovered that the Chinese woman working behind the counter of a Chinese bar and restaurant I was in actually spoke Spanish. Go figure.
But I digress. There was this guy who was being dragged into the store by his girl. It was clear that he would have preferred to have been elsewhere, anywhere else but where he was when I laid eyes on him.
I watched this guy suffer, holding his head in his hands as his girlfriend looked at dress after dress, skirt after skirt, blouse after blouse. As each minute passed his face twisted just a little bit more and I fear he may have suffered a stroke shortly there-after. I wasn't around though but as I left the store I gave him a sympathetic look and said to him "Good luck, dude." He looked at me with a sense of relief, grateful that I understood the source of his anguish. Poor fellow.
It was while I was walking away that it hit me; the idea whose time has come.
Since women like to shop and more and more men are having a hard time avoiding being dragged along, storeowners could capitalise on this scenario by integrating sports bars into these stores where women like to shop. Sure, it's going to call for a little more capital expenditure but it will pay off in the long run.
Out front you have your regular store with your clothes, shoes, Tupperware, whatever it is that women like to buy. In the back there is a darkened bar with television sets everywhere with live sports or wet T-shirt contests, whatever is on that men like to watch. There will be a numbered monitor in front of each seat and beneath each monitor would be a red button and a green button.
Every time the lady feels the need to ask your opinion on a piece of clothing or shoe, the sales person would put the item before a camera which would correspond with the monitor in front of you. If you like what you see you press the green button and so on.
That way, she is happy that she's bugging you and you're happy because you're watching sports on TV, and the storeowner is happy because he's making money hand over fist. And when everybody is happy, it makes the world a better place and that's what Christmas is all about. Isn't it?
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