Dear Pastor,
I hope you are okay and that the Lord will continue to bless you. I must first declare that I am a "back slider." Although this is the case, every time I go down on my knees my prayers are always answered. I am a strong believer in God and I feel as if he speaks to me. But when I express this to people it seems stupid, which leads me to ask, is there a specific way for the Lord to speak to someone? Does he have a specific tone in his voice?
Secondly, when I was a child, I was abused by my relatives. But to them, maybe it was disciplining me. The abuse included hitting me across the face in sequence while telling me that I am going to be useless like my mother. Though there were more than one children in the house, they always accused me of stealing and they even prevented me from seeing my siblings in another parish. My aunt hit me with rubber from tyres and she waited until I was naked in the bathroom. I was embarrassed quite often, because we lived in the ghetto with several homes in one yard and when the bathroom door swung open the neighbours could see me.
Whenever I had to go home, there was always this feeling that made me really uncomfortable. I could not eat. After work I went to study, then straight to bed. I spent hours by myself crying on the veranda. They never knew what I felt. It is too much to write, but it would help to have someone tell me that I am not selfish or ungrateful.
I am now 20 years old. I went to reside with my family for a while, working in that parish and the memories started crowding my mind. It became even worst when I saw the way my aunt treated my cousin who is about 11 years old. I think they treated me that way because my parents did not seem to care. While I was there they did not call or come visit for long periods and I was there for five years.
Packed and left
One day I just could not take it anymore, I packed instantly and left. I went home most weekends but they never understood why. My little cousin cried and it was hard for me to leave her but I have undisclosed issues that prevented me from remaining there.
And until now I cannot bring myself to telling them why. Please help me.
P.F.,
St. Mary
Dear P. F.,
Let me first address the issues whether or not God speaks to you and how He does it. The Bible says that there was a time when God spoke to men directly. They heard his voice. He appeared to them in different forms but in our epoch, God speaks to men and women through His word, the holy Scriptures. God reveals himself through His word.
I expect therefore, that if you are hearing from God, it is through His holy word. The writer of Hebrews makes it clear how God speaks to men and women. "Long ago God spoke in many different ways to our fathers through the prophets (in visions, dreams and even face to face) telling them little by little about His plans. But now in these days He has spoken to us through His son to whom He has given everything, and through whom He made the world and everything there is." Hebrews 1: 1-2.
I am indeed sorry to hear that you were abused as a child. Your aunt is not aware of the scar that she has left on you. She ignorantly felt that that was the way to discipline you. May God give you the grace to forgive her. Nevertheless, I suggest that you discuss the matter with her as soon as possible. Let her know that you are aware that you were abused. She may become angry and she may curse you but you need to get it out of your system. I don't mean that you should be rude to her, but you need to tell her that it has always bothered you and you hope that she will not treat others the way she treated you.
Pastor
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