Dear Pastor,
I have been having a problem for the past three years. I met my 'babyfather' in 2002. When we first met he told me that he was single. We started out as friends, then after a couple of months we started dating.
He seemed so nice and honest. At the time we worked at the same job. We had separate apartments, but we were together every single day. As soon as work was finished we would walk to his apartment and spend hours, then around midnight I would go back to my apartment.
We did this for months until one day I found out from his ex-girlfriend that they were still seeing each other. She called his house one day while I was there and he was at work. First she called and hung up, and then she called again and asked me my name. She then started to tell me all this stuff about him and her and all the things he told her about me. They were still sleeping together and gossiping about me.
I love this guy so much that I broke up with him the day I found out. I could not sleep when I went home, so I went over his house to get my stuff and he charmed me by telling me how sorry he was, so I decided to forgive him. But it has been three years and I cannot get over it. I just cannot find it in myself to trust him ever again.
I feel so insecure whenever he leaves the house, which he does not do a lot, because he is doing everything to regain my trust. I love him to death and want to marry him, but what should I do? I need your advice on this.
S.B.,
Dear S. B.,
What has happened to the girl who called you and told you that they were lovers? Apparently, you believe that he may be still seeing her or may have his eyes on somebody else. No relationship can work without trust and you don't trust this man. Three years have passed and what he did to you is still very fresh in your mind. You are very uncomfortable when he is not around because you feel that he may be with another woman.
To be frank with you, this relationship is not going to be happy if you are not able to rebuild trust in this man. I don't know if he deserves your trust because he told the other girl unpleasant things about you that she could not have known.
While at the same time he was having an intimate relationship with you. Has he changed? And I am wondering, after three years why is it the relationship with you has not gone further? Perhaps it is time for you to tell this man that both of you need to see a professional in an effort to resolve the issues that are constantly on your mind.
Pastor
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