Tell Me Pastor

First love

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 20 years old. I have had mostly downs rather than ups with him. He has cheated on me with my cousin and several other women. He says that he loves me, but I don't think he knows the meaning of the word love.

I am fed up of being the other woman. He tells me he loves me, but he has another girl and he says he cannot let her go because she was involved with him before I was. I want to be with him. I feel as though I could be with him for the rest of my life. I want to leave him, but every time I try to, I always crawl back to him.

I also know that the one thing that is stopping me from leaving him is that he is my first boyfriend. He is the only boy that have I slept with. I think that I might be a little obsessed with him because of this. I have tried to move on, but it seems that I can't let go. I want to let go, but I don't know how to because we have been together for 3 years. Help me please.

S.J.,

London

Dear S.J.,

This boy will continue to use you until you feel strong enough to tell him enough is enough. He is older than you and he is not taking the relationship with you as serious as you. You are only one of his girls, and may remain that way for a long time unless of course, you walk and don't "crawl back".

I could only encourage you to leave him alone. There is no pill that I can tell you to take that will help you not to think about him or not to go to him. I do know that he does not respect you, and you would be better off dropping him although he was 'first love'. If you fool around with him, he may get you pregnant, and bring burden in your life before you are ready. And please do not believe that if you have a child for him, the relationship would be better and that he would stop playing around with other women.

Pastor