Tell Me Pastor

Keep tabs on your marriage

Dear Pastor,

Your help and advice to young people is truly a blessing. I am writing this letter to give the married women in Jamaica some very helpful advice. Jamaican men are getting divorces in Canada, the United States and in England, and their wives are the last to know.

Legally a man can put a notice of divorce in the local newspapers asking for a divorce. If no one responds to the notice, then the divorce is granted. It may take sometime, even 6-10 years, but the bottom-line is "him get what him want ­ his papers to legally stay in the country."

That is exactly what happened to my cousin. She did not have a clue what was going on. Now her husband is in Canada living the good life with his wife and new baby while she is in Jamaica struggling with their 3 kids. He has even visited the island with his new family without visiting his kids. That is how heartless these men can be sometimes.

I can only imagine how hurt these women are when they find out what their husbands are up to. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with anyone getting married to obtain his or her citizenship, but not like that. Listen up ladies, if your husband is in Canada, the US or England on a visit or farm work and he is asking you for a copy of your marriage certificate, his birth certificate, land title or any other important documents, don't send it to him. Do not believe his garbage about applying for you because he can't. Keep your eyes and your ears wide open. Visit your local city hall every now and then and make sure that you are still legally married to your husband.

Have a look at his papers before he leaves to make sure that his papers are in his correct name. Please I am begging you to read the Jamaican STAR and Gleaner every single day, and if you should see a notice of divorce from your husband, get in touch with the Canadian, the US or British Embassy right away. That is the only way you can stop him.

I know you are busy with your various jobs, and the kids can be a handful, but don't be too busy to keep your house in order. If you need help, ask your family and friends. I think it is about time we beat these men at their own stupid games by proving to them that we are not as ignorant and illiterate as they might think.

My point is this, if a man wants to divorce a woman he should do so legally, and I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way, right sisters? If I have helped one woman to stop her husband from using her, it is my sincere pleasure. One love and take care of yourselves.

S. M., Toronto, Canada

Dear S.M.

It is a fact that many have divorced their spouses without discussing the matter with them or without sending the documents to them to enable their spouses to determine whether or not they wish to contest the divorce or to simply sign the documents. Some people only know that they are divorced when they receive the final judgement or divorce absolute.

Although you emphasise that it is the men who are taking the initiative in divorcing their wives, I would love to point out to you that women do the same at an alarming rate.

Sometimes the men are at a loss to understand why their sweet wives who left Jamaica to 'better the family' divorce them after being away for about a year. I can prove what I am saying from where I sit.

Pastor