Tell Me Pastor

Thanks but no thanks

DEAR PASTOR,

I am a 23-year-old woman and I am involved in a relationship with a 51-year-old man. When we met I was living an ungodly lifestyle and he helped me to get out of it. For the past four years I have been living with him and he has been supporting me financially.

I have a seven year old daughter who is attached to him also. Recently, he has been very controlling, possessive, and wants me to bow down to him, and it seems to be getting worse. I want to go to school and get a good education. I have many aspirations in life, as I am still young.

Lately I have been seeing another man close to my age, whom I have very strong feelings for and I don't know what to do. It would be very hard for me to leave, but I feel I can never truly accomplish anything in life if I stay with this 51-year-old man.

I feel as though my youth is being wasted. Please give me your advice.

J.T., Canada

Dear J.T.

Tell the man with whom you have been living that you have become very uncomfortable living with him and that you wish to move on with your life. Tell him that you are aware that he has done his very best and you thank him very much, but you feel stagnant in the relationship.

Don't you ever raise the matter of his age. It will only confirm that part of your reason for leaving him is that he is by far your senior. You give the impression that this man is trying to keep you down.

I suppose that what you are trying to say is that he wants to know your every move and that he does not fully trust you.

Let me ask you this question, would this young man who is in your age group be able to do for you what this older man has done?

I am just curious. My dear, I wish you well. Remember that whatever decision you have made, you will have to live with it. Make sure you will never regret what you do.

Pastor