Tell Me Pastor

Tell him to wait!

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is 18. I am a Christian and he was a Christian but he has backslidden. We have been together for four years and I really love him. He is the only guy that I have ever been with for so long and I still have that loving feeling for him. He loves me too. He is easygoing and very caring and we hope to get married someday and be together forever.

However, he wants to have sex with me now. I want to please him but not by having sex. I don't think I am ready for sex. I want to wait until I get married. I know his parents and I talk to them. My mother knows him but I am not sure whether she knows that we are together. My mother always tells me that sex is for marriage, but when I am with him alone, it is hard to resist the temptation. As I said before, I really love him and I don't want to lose him. I don't know what I would do without him in my life. I told him that I am not ready, but he says that he cannot wait any longer.

Please give me your advice. I also wrote and told you that my mother did not want me to go to my graduation ball. She did not allow me to go but I found a way to get over it. I have forgiven her, but I will not forget it. Keep up the good work.

D., Kingston

Dear D.,

This guy you described as your boyfriend should learn to respect your position. You have told him that you are not interested in having sex. He should not therefore push you. The best way to avoid the temptation of having sex with him is not to be with him in any secluded place where others are not around. You should not go to his home when he is alone, neither should you invite him to your house when your parents are not there.

Although you have told him that you do not want to have sex, the temptation is very strong when you are together. He is breaking down your resistance little by little, and so if you are not careful you will have sex with him. If a young man refuses to respect his girlfriend's position, she should end the relationship with him.

You are l7 years old, and sometimes people in your age group believe that they are in love and nobody can tell them anything to the contrary. And if they were engaged in sexual intercourse and the relationship went sour, they regret what they did.

What I am trying to say to you is that you should not believe that this young man is your future husband because in years to come you may change. As you get older, you may come to realise that really what you were experiencing was puppy love and he is not the man for you. It would be wise for you not to become emotionally involved with any man until you are older.

Pastor