Tell Me Pastor

Jealous man friend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old woman who has been involved in a relationship for almost five years. The man is 15 years my senior. I love him a whole lot, but the problem is that he is very jealous. He is suspicious of everything. I was working somewhere and there were males employed there too and he accused me of having relationships with them. Even if he sees me having a conversation with a man, he says the discussion is of an intimate nature.

Once I was working as a secretary at a printery close to my home, and he accused me of having a relationship with a guy who is 10 years my junior. He also accused me of having a relationship with the boss, who is younger than I am and happily married.

The accusation started after one night when he asked me about photography. He asked me whether I had ever been inside the dark room. I answered him truthfully by saying yes. He asked me how many times, and I told him twice, once with my boss and another time with the younger guy. He asked why I had gone inside. I told him I wanted to see how the things were developed. He got angry and started accusing me of going in there to have sex with both my boss and the younger guy.

He said I had no reason to go inside the dark room except to have sex, because I was employed as a secretary and should not have been interested in printing. I eventually had to leave my job because I could not cope with his continuous accusations. It became very stressful for me. He didn't seem to mind when I gave up my job, so I figured maybe that was because I was the only female working there and he was jealous. However, the same thing happened when I got another secretarial job at a funeral home. He accused me of having the boss buy me lunch. I had to leave the job because of his insecurities.

No reason

Pastor, I have given him no reason not to trust me, so I don't understand why he doesn't. I don't go anywhere without his knowledge, and if I go anywhere as soon as I return I call him. I really would like to get married to this man because I love him and I would like to go back to living a Christian life. However, at the same time I don't want to do anything I will regret.

Presently, I am not working and I would really like to get a job. I registered with a few employment bureaus but they kept giving me the run around. I was even sent on locations where no staff was required. I hate the idea of sitting at home doing nothing. I don't like to be dependent on my boyfriend. I have four children for my husband (we are separated). The two eldest ones are currently on their own and working. The younger ones are aged 12 and 15 years. It is very difficult for me because my boyfriend is the only one working, and he has three children attending school that he has to support.

Please pray for me that things may work out in the best way possible for me. I need to return to living a Christian life and serve God in the way I should. I need a job so that I can provide for myself and my children. I am awaiting your fatherly advice.

A. D., Kingston

Dear A.D.,

I am afraid that you are not thinking right. If your boyfriend is so silly and is constantly accusing you of having affairs with every man with whom you work, and to please him you leave the job, how can you be sure that he will not do the same when you get another job? You made a mistake giving up your jobs to please this jealous man. He is unable to support you well. You need your own money to take care of yourself and to help your children. This man is keeping you down. Why cant you see that that is what he is doing?

He is so ignorant that he does not realise that he is making you feel cheap by accusing you of going to bed with every man at your workplace. If he seriously believes that you are that type of woman, why is it that he is still with you? You need to get yourself a job and get out of his house. Even if you were to marry him, he will never totally trust you because he does not trust himself. He believes that every woman is a player. I repeat, try your very best to get a job and leave this man's house. If you don't leave his house, you will always be burdened down by his accusations.

Pastor