Tell Me Pastor

My girlfriend was raped by a friend, now I resent her

DEAR PASTOR,

I am a young Christian man. My girlfriend - whom I have known for over 10 years - and I, both moved to the United States when we were younger, so we stayed together. After we got there she was raped by someone whom she thought was a friend of hers. She told me months later. I convinced her to tell her mother, but that's as far as it went.

Pastor, ever since that time until this day I still have a feeling of resentment for her. It is a feeling I cannot explain. I think that it is because she did not press charges against this person. I know I love her and want to marry her some day. I cannot help the way I feel sometimes when I am with her.

Please help me. Thanks

D.W., Maryland, U.S.A

Dear D.W.,

You ought not to resent her because she did not report the rape and have the rapist arrested and charged. Perhaps, she was ashamed and afraid. She was also very young and traumatised. You shouldn't hold that against her. Shame on you.

You should be proud that she has enough confidence in you to tell you what happened her. She didn't have to do so. Therefore, I am asking you to change your attitude towards her. You are making it very difficult for her to overcome the unfortunate experience. What she needs from you is moral support and encouragement.

May I suggest that this lady go to see a family counsellor if she has not done so. She needs to undergo therapy. Kindly assure this lady of your love.

Pastor