Tell Me Pastor

Husband not supporting his family

Dear Pastor,

I have been in love with this man for eight years. He is a cop in Jamaica. Everything went well until I got pregnant. He treated me really badly. I survived the pregnancy with a beautiful daughter. We are still having problems because he's mean, cold hearted, vindictive and very controlling. I married him and still nothing changed. He doesn't listen to anyone, and he hasn't tried to make any change.

He refuses to assist me in furthering my education, and he's very rough with our daughter. I sometimes think he doesn't love her or that he's jealous. I now live in New York with our daughter and he visits us. However, he is not contributing to my expenses, including our daughter's school fee. Am I asking too much of my husband? Isn't he supposed to support me as much as possible, whether emotionally, mentally, or financially?

Now, I think I want a divorce, because I'm not happy, and I'm sure he's not either. I need your advice.

Thank you.

J.I., Queens, New York

Dear J.I.,

If you were aware that this man was so mean and not supportive, why did you get married to him? Marriage doesn't change habits and temperaments of individuals.

Your husband is not obligated to support you in school. You should work and send yourself to school. What he is obligated to do along with you is to support his child and the house.

It is very sad that he does not treat his daughter well. Perhaps he does not know better. Some men believe that being rough is the only way to train children. You should write the Commissioner of Police and ask him to speak to your husband. Tell the commissioner that the man is not supporting his child, and ask him for advice.

You should not be quick in divorcing your husband. However, if he continues to be non-supportive you may be forced to seek the help of a lawyer.

Pastor