Tell Me Pastor

Keep playing his game

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old female living in New York. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He is 25.

All we do is have sex. I ask him why we can't do something else, like go to the movies or dinner. He says he is not a movie person and that we can have dinner at home. Since we have been together, we have only been to two of his family's parties.

In the early part of the relationship, he used to go off for days and not call me. He would return later and act like it was nothing. I would ask him where he was, and he would give me dumb answers, or should I say he gave answers I did not want to hear. By the way he still goes on these sabbaticals.

He also has a babymother. One day I was at his house, and his babymother came to pick up his son. She just walked in the room and he went in. When I went in, she was lying on the bed and she whispered to him asking, "Whose girl is that?" He told her to mind her business. I am not a person to create a lot of excitement, so I called him out and told him I was leaving. I never asked him why he did not answer her question. He asked me, "You want to fight?" I said, "Not over you." I felt so hurt and I left without telling him goodbye.

Now, a year and a half later I still have not seen any significant changes. I love this guy so much. He says he loves me too, but then, days later I would ask him if he loves me and he would say no. I don't know if he truly means it. However, I am so stressed out over him. I don't know what to do. We have broken up for days before but I am so weak. I always call him back first.

On one occasion, I asked him if he has ever cheated and he told me that he has with a friend. He said she was looking good at the time and so they had sex. I asked him if he still has sex with his babymother, and he said no but he also said, he can get it if he wants it. I started to realise that whenever he goes to pick up his son, it seems he spends the night. I have asked him on two occasions why he broke up with his babymother and he replied they never did. However, I just never read between the lines until now, yet I still stick around him.

Faithful

I am very faithful. I have never cheated on him. I have been approached by many men, but I refuse to cheat. I am not an ugly person. I am very attractive, so it is not like I can't get a man or that I can't be seen in public. I am tired of having sex and not going out with him. I have a feeling he is cheating because his brother is a player, and they do their thing in groups, so I know he will not back down.

It has been a week since I have called him and I am asking you for some advice on what to do because I can't take this anymore. Should I continue with him? Please help me.

Initials Withheld by Request

Dear ...,

I trust that the good Lord will help you to come to realise that this young man is not thinking of you as his one and only girlfriend. You know that he has his babymother. It is evident from what he has told you that the intimate relationship between them has not ended. You saw what she did when you were visiting his house. That should have been enough for you to walk away permanently.

Young lady, this man is using you. He does not mean you any good. Do not call him. Do not go back to his house. He is not speaking the truth. His behaviour shows that he does not love you. If you continue with him, you will get hurt.

Pastor.