Tell Me Pastor

Where there is smoke ...

Dear Pastor,

I have written to you before and was very pleased with your response because it helped me to make a responsible decision. Well, the reason that I am writing to you is because I am in a relationship with a man that I am not sure I can trust. He professes his love to me on a regular basis but I can't seem to believe him. He is 29 years old and I am 20. The age difference is a factor but I have not allowed it to be a problem for us.

My family members think that he is a nice guy but they also think that he is not right for me. My friends also think that he doesn't deserve me because he has fallen short on many occasions. I was always taught to make my own decisions and although I believe them that he is not right for me, it is like I have to catch him in the act for me to get out of this.

My biggest problem with him is that he has a lot of girlfriends. He has tried his best to keep me away from them. He knows all my friends so I think that it is just fair that I meet his friends too without him giving me garbage excuses. I am also worried about this relationship because he is unable to keep a job. He was once in the drugs business but he claims that he left that behind when he moved from New York.

I am not sure what I should do. Should I put an end to this and find someone whom I can completely trust, or should I give him a chance to prove himself? I really want to believe that there is potential in this relationship but another side of me wants me to wake up and realise that there is no future for us.

Using me?

I want to know if this man is using me while he is here. I feel as though as soon as things pick up for him, he is going to return to New York to his three children and their mother. He claims that he does not love his children's mother but he constantly talks about her and compares me to her.

Please, pastor, I need your fatherly advice. Should I let this man be and move on with my life or should I stop worrying and allow everything to fall in place?

T. J.,

Ontario, Canada

Dear T. J,

It has been said "A word to the wise is sufficient". Your parents and friends expect you to be wise. They know this guy and they believe that you should not have an intimate relationship with him. You have big doubts in your mind, too, but you're allowing your emotions to get the better of you. What you know about this man should be enough for you to make the decision to bring an end to this relationship.

I don't believe that he is not in love with his children's mother or that the relationship has ended. I rather believe that he is using you, and that when he is through with you he'll drop you like hot bread. Of course, you are old enough to make your decision, but you have already seen danger signs. Therefore, act intelligently, and bring an end to this relationship.

Pastor.