Tell Me Pastor

Angel face, devil heart

Dear Pastor,

I am a young lady living in the United States of America. I moved there about a year ago. I came to find a job with hopes to make a better life for my family members and me.

However, I was involved with a man that I loved but he had the temper of the devil.

He was a nice person when he wanted to be but he was very jealous. He didn't want me to have any friends because he said that my friends were taking me away from him. That's how foolish he was.

Whenever we went out and other men looked at me, he got angry. He embarrassed me many times in front of my friends and in public. Afterwards he would cry like a baby and say that he was sorry and he won't do it again. But, he always did.

He threatened my life and told me if I left him he would find me and kill me. I know that he could because he is a policeman.

I am now married to another man who is twice my age. He loves me and takes care of me but I don't love him as much as I should. I live a comfortable life now and I don't know what to do about the man I left behind.

I love him but I don't want to be with him because I am afraid that he is going to hurt me badly. My family doesn't care much for him but he says that he is changing and he still wants me to come and spend the rest of my life with him. He says that he loves me but I think he is obsessed.

Please give me your fatherly advice.

Z. C., New York, USA

Dear Z. C,

Did you report the man who threatened you to the police? You claimed that he is a police officer himself but that should not prevent you from reporting him.

In fact you should not only report him to the police, you should also take out a restraining order against him. I am telling you these things but I doubt very much that you will be willing to follow my suggestions because you are still in love with him and had it not been for his cruel and jealous behaviour, you would continue the intimate relationship with him.

It seems to me that you only got married for convenience. You don't genuinely love your husband. He provides for you and has given you a comfortable place to live but the love is not there.

I imagine that you are trying your best to relate to him but it is all pretence. Such a relationship may eventually go up in smoke. Your husband may eventually sense that you are not real. Your heart is elsewhere.

I hope that as you ponder your situation you may come to your senses and realise that you should ask God to help you to learn to love your husband and to take away from your heart, the desire for the other man.

Pastor