Tell Me Pastor

Almost perfect husband

Dear Pastor,

I am a Jamaican-born woman who is married to a man from another country. I am also the mother of four. My husband and I have been married for 17 years and instead of us getting closer, we are drifting apart. I am a Christian and my husband is not. He does not stop me from attending church. He sometimes attends church with me too.

My problem is that my husband does not come home at nights. I caught him having an affair once and I served him divorce papers, which he tore up.

He apologised to me about the affair and we moved on. A couple weeks ago I saw the same pattern emerging again; when I expected him to be home from work, he doesn't show up. I have reached the point where I am thinking of asking him to leave home and to continue raising my children by myself.

As a Christian woman I have done a lot of praying about the matter and even though the Bible says you must pray without ceasing, I am wondering how much more can I take.

Pastor, before I end my marriage I need your advice. I don't want to deprive my children of their father because I know they will miss him.

Great father

As a father, he is great. He spends quality time with his children. As a husband, he is good to me. He does not pressure me to do things that I don't want to do. He gives me money when I need it and also surprises me with presents occasionally.

He is a good husband considering what some other women have to put up with. I can overlook a lot of things, but cheating is not one of them. I have confronted him about his staying out and I got the proverbial excuse that he's working late.

Please help me.

D. B.,

New York, USA

Dear C. B,

You speak highly of your husband. The only problem you are faced with is that he cheats, or at least you know for sure that he cheated on you once. He is a good father. He spends quality time with his children and he is a good provider. Many women would love to have such a man for a husband.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not implying that you should put up with his cheating. I am trying to say that you should consider how you can save your marriage. If your husband and you have not gone for counselling, I would suggest that you go. Perhaps, during the counselling sessions you would find out why he cheats and what can be done to strengthen your marriage.

I beg you, madam, now that you have seen signs that your husband may be straying again, don't take it likely. Seek professional help. Make an appointment for both of you to see a counsellor.

Pastor.