Tell Me Pastor

Competing with his mother

Dear Pastor,

I am living in Toronto and married to a man living in Jamaica. His mother pretends to approve of the relationship but from the looks of things, I think she wants her son to reside in Jamaica with her and to support her. She lives with a man and she does not work. Her son is 25 and she treats him like a newborn infant. She even sleeps with him. They are both getting on my last nerve.

She fails to realise that her son can't have an intimate relationship with her. He needs to move on, grow up and start a family of his own, but she is holding on very tightly. We love each other dearly, but his mother is secretly competing with me.

What should I do?

A. B.,

Dear A. B,

Although I know that some mothers-in-law give daughters-in-law trouble, you have not provided any proof that this woman does not want her son to join you in Canada. And, may I quickly add that nothing is wrong in a son helping to support his mother even after he is married.

The truth is that some mothers go to the extreme and demand too much. On the other hand, there are so many wives who would like their husbands to cut all ties with their mothers after they are married, and not assist them financially at all. Such wives are not good women. How would you like to be in need and your son not assist you?

From the tone of your letter, I don't believe that you like your mother-in-law. Your husband is a grown man and he must make his own decision. If his mother has said anything negative about you to him, it would be because of what she has seen.

Never attack the mother of your husband. A wise woman does not do that.

Pastor