Tell Me Pastor

Jinxed bride-to-be

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and in love with a 25-year-old man. He lives in Jamaica and I live in Canada. We talked on the phone almost every day for one year before we met each other. When we finally met, we both liked what we saw and he asked me to marry him.

He said he did not ask me to marry him to get papers but because he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and my children. He was in a good job and he said that he didn't want to leave his job right away either. We were both fine with that. The way I loved him I was willing and ready to take a chance with him.

We did the whole works. He bought me an engagement ring a couple months after and he gave it to his cousin to surprise me with it. He was doing all the arrangements in Jamaica and I was getting everything that was needed here. I bought my dress, his ring, decoration, paid for the limousine, photographer and video, etc. The wedding was scheduled for August but he called it off in May.

He said he did that because his people called him and told him a lot of things that they heard about me. He said that he also heard that I have four children. Honestly, I did not hide anything from him, especially about my children.

He also said that I can't help him to travel and he can't take the pressure, so he didn't call me for three months.

When he finally called, he said what he did to me was wrong, and he should have handled the situation better than he did. I told him it was ok, life goes on and I hope that he has a good one. I felt awful telling him that. I don't know why I still love him. All my money went down the drain.

I am now with another man who loves my children and me, but I don't think that I would ever want to get married. I even fear the word.

Please tell me what you think of this man. Thank you.

S.G., Toronto, Canada

Dear S.G,

I am sorry you did not mention what were the things that he said he heard about you. You shouldn't have taken what he did to you with just a smile. You should have asked him to give you back the money you spent in preparing for the wedding. After all, he was the one who proposed to you and sent you an engagement ring. You spent your money on decorations, limousine, etc. You should have demanded that money back.

Concerning your children, you said that you did not hide that from him. Why was that made an issue? Both of you were too much in a hurry to get married. You didn't know each other well enough. However, I hope that you will get over him and that although you don't like to hear the word 'married' you will find yourself so deeply in love that eventually you will want to be married.

Remember that good men respect women, and they don't treat them like doormats.

Pastor