Tell Me Pastor

Who's my baby's daddy?

Dear Pastor,

I am a Jamaican living in Canada for eight years. I met and married a Canadian while I was having an affair with a man in Jamaica. I got pregnant and was not sure whose baby it was. Using the time frame of the pregnancy I gave it to my husband but I also told the other man that the baby is his. I have come to find out that the baby really belongs to my husband but the other man really loves him and plans to tell him that he is his father when he grows older.

The Jamaican man pays to have him in Jamaica on vacation every summer. My husband thinks that he is going to my parents who live in the same area. I am not sure how to tell this man that my son is not his child. My son is the only child he (thinks) he has and he adores him dearly. He even sent money to make sure that he attends a private school here. I am a professional person and so is he.

I am so scared to see what this news will do to him, his family members and his friends who believe that this boy is his son. He is the only grandson for this man's parents. They have eight granddaughters. This will kill them to know the truth.

Please help me to give them the news in a manner that they can accept. My son is getting older and he believes this man is his uncle. My husband thinks that my mother half-raised the other man and is not aware of the relationship that the man and I have. I still have sex with him when I go to Jamaica. My life is in a disastrous state. I love them both and don't want to loose my husband.

Thanks very much for your help.

A.B.,

Toronto, Canada

Dear A. B,

I suggest that you stop sending this boy to Jamaica during the summer to spend time with this man and his relatives. I also suggest that you cut all ties with this man and that you stop accepting money from him. You see it is wrong to continue to give this man the impression that he is the father of the boy.

Deceiver

Your husband would consider you a deceiver if you continue to fool around with this man and your secret life is exposed. End the deception now. Accept what your husband is able to do for the child and tell the gentleman that you have to save your marriage so he should back off.

Your parents and the man in Jamaica lives in the same area, but that does not mean that when you come to Jamaica you have to get involved with this man. If you don't end the relationship with him now, believe me, somebody is likely to tell your husband that whenever you are in Jamaica you sleep with him. Jamaica is a small country and everybody knows everybody's business, if you know what I mean.

Your son does not recognise this man as his father. He knows him as uncle. That will not be difficult to straighten out when he gets older. You wouldn't have to tell him that you went to bed with his so-called uncle.

Pastor.