Tell Me Pastor

Paying for temptation

Dear Pastor,

I want to commend you for all the good that you are doing. It is really a blessing to us. I am with this guy who is one year my senior. I love him with all my heart. Three years ago when we met, I was really having some doubts about settling down with him. This was because he was rather small in physique. He and I were on the same height and I suspected that I weighed a little more than he did at the time. I am five feet seven inches tall and weigh 120 pounds, so I was not too comfortable with that.

About a year in the relationship, I went to spend the summer abroad. That summer I cheated on him with a guy that I met there. I eventually told him what had happened when I called him one day. I told him that the guy raped me and it was my fault since I had gone to his house knowing that he liked me and that no one else was there. I told him that I was wrong, so he should stop talking to me. After a long conversation, he told me that he would forgive me and that I should tell my mother what hadhappened since I was staying with her. I told him no because my mother had warned me not to talk to the guy, so she would have been furious if I told her something like that.

No excuse

The problem is this-pastor, the guy did in fact force me to sleep with him, but he did not rape me. I was away from my boyfriend for eight months and I fell into temptation. I know there is no excuse for what happened, but it is the truth. After that ordeal, I realised that I was very much in love with my boyfriend and that it was a big mistake to allow what happened to happen. We are planning on getting married, but I am not sure if I should just let sleeping dogs lie.

Do you think I should tell him that I went along with the whole thing? I know that he loves me, but I am still afraid that if I tell him this he is going to be disappointed in me.

T. H.,

St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear T. H,

If it is bothering your conscience and you feel that your conscience will be set free by telling him, you may. However, please bear in mind that your boyfriend will never trust you again and may even end the relationship with you.

Everything that you say, if you were to tell him, will always cause him to have a doubt in his mind about you when both of you are apart. So consider the matter carefully. I think I have said enough.

Pastor.