Tell Me Pastor

There's no turning back

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old female who desperately needs your advice. I was in love with a guy who is 21. We started to talk when he was 17. I lost my virginity to this guy and he was my first love.

The problem is that I am not happy with him. He has cheated on me numerous times and even got another girl pregnant who was living with him and his mother at the time.

He claimed that there is nothing going on between them and she said the same thing, but who knows? they lied before and it produced a child.

Abusive

He is also abusive and controlling. He doesn't want me to go anywhere even if I am going with a family member. He is never there for me, but if he should call and I don't answer, he accuses me of being with another man.

I work and go to school and he does nothing, but sleep in the days and party at nights. I hear about other girls that he has and when I confront him about it he lies although some of the girls tell me that he had sex with them.

I became depressed and stressed. I really don't know what teenage years feel like because I have been taking on problems of a grown woman for so long. I recently decided to leave him because he has done nothing for me, but bring me down.

He is now constantly calling me, yet he never had time for me when we were together. How can I let him leave me alone? I know that we have been together for four years, but I don't want him anymore. His mother doesn't like me and I don't know why, yet he tells her that he is coming to see me when he is going to other girls' house. I have left him before, but this time it is final, no turning back. I am planning on moving away, so that I can start over without him and continue my schooling. Do you think that is a good idea?

I met this wonderful guy who is two years older than I am. We communicate well. He goes to school and has a job. He doesn't have any children and is a man of God.

Even though I haven't been talking to him for a long time, he makes me happy and I haven't been happy in quite some time.

Something in common

We share the same dreams about life and I care for him very much. We do not live in the same area, so it is hard for me because I cannot see him but we contact each other by email, mail or telephone.

We are just friends because he understands that I just came out of a relationship. I wouldn't mind having an intimate relationship with him in the future. Am I wrong for wanting that?

Please help me. I need to know what to do. This guy really makes me happy. I want him to know that I really appreciate him for being there for me when I needed him most. Thank you.

T. M.,

USA

Dear T. M,

You made the right decision by ending the relationship with the young man that was constantly accusing you of having other men and who sleeps during the day and parties at nights. You do not need such a man in your life. If you were to marry him, he would not be a good provider, because he does not believe in hard work. You are an ambitious and hardworking girl. You deserve a better man.

Concerning this young man who is attending school and with whom you are able to communicate with very well, I suggest that you go step by step. Don't rush anything. Get to know him better and hope and pray that he will truly love you, even more than you love him.

Pastor.